Saturday, April 30, 2011


This is a movie about a homicidal tire named Robert who has telekinetic powers and goes on a murder spree in a small desert town. Fuck if I know how, but even with a plot as ridiculous as that, this movie manages to make even less sense than it should. Even more baffling is that despite making absolutely no sense whatsoever, it also manages to be pretty damn entertaining.

Don't ask me what it's about, I don't have a clue, but from purely technical standpoint, it's an accomplishment. I loved the camera work, the effects were decent enough and all practical instead of cgi which made me very happy. I also loved that Rubber didn't take itself seriously in the least, in fact the first 5 minutes or so of the movie is one of the movie's characters basically telling you that there are thousands of examples in movies of things that happen for no reason and don't make any sense. In the end, even if you absolutely hated Rubber, if you saw the beginning, you can't say they didn't warn you.

I really don't have much else to say other than that. I basically got what I expected from Rubber. I knew it would be silly, and from what I had read, it sounded just stupid enough to be something that I could kill 80 minutes with. In all honesty, it turned out to be way better than I expected.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Call of the Dead

I've now officially gone from "I'll buy it when it's cheaper" to "I'm going to buy it this weekend" on Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Whoo boy, Insidious. I haven't been so up and down on a movie in a long time. I went from expecting to hate it, to loving it, to ultimately being really disappointed, and all of that happened in roughly 90 minutes. Going to be hard to really get my point across on this one without doing a bit of spoileration, so if you haven't seen Insidious, read ahead at your own risk.

Insidious has all the trappings of your basic haunted house movie. A family moves into a new home, with the hopes that a change of scenery will help the wife rekindle her music career. After an accident in the attic involving one of their children leaves the kid comatose, strange things begin to happen around the house. Believing the place to be haunted, they eventually move only to find that their unwanted supernatural guests also tag along. With no other option in sight, they turn to a paranormal investigator in the hopes that she can help relieve them of their ghost problem.

Aside from a trailer or two, and a couple of tv spots, I hadn't really given Insidious much attention. I guess I'm so jaded about horror that actually gets big theatrical release, that I assumed I would eventually watch it and subsequently find it to be completely forgettable. Once again, I would be wrong. From the beginning Insidious immediately brought me in with it's creepy atmosphere, not knowing exactly what the movie was going to be about helped, as I had no clue what was going to happen when the strange activity started to go down. I admit that the "haunted house" vibe was doing a pretty good job of freaking me out a little. It is EXTREMELY well done and quite effective. "Oh my god, did somebody actually fuck around and make a truly scary movie again?!" I thought. Well yes they did, sort of.

The first 30 minutes of Insidious are so good that I was almost ready to declare it horror movie of the year. I was preparing myself for a night of sleeping with the lights on. But then something happened, it's almost as if somebody saw how much I was enjoying the movie, and then in an act of pure cruelness decided to change everything just to ruin it for me. When the ghost hunters show up, Insidious becomes a completely different movie. The tone shift is so severe that it completely took me out of the movie. It's just completely unnecessary humor at a time when the movie is moving along so well with it's dark, creepy tone. I was so distracted by it that I didn't even care how the movie played out.

For it's credit though, Insidious does try to go back to a semi-creepy place as the finale begins, although it did more to remind me of some sort of fucked up Beetlejuice sequel than it did creep me out. The third act is awfully Tim Burton-ish, only an evil Tim Burton if you can imagine. I did like the look of the main demon, and that red faced bastard had goat legs, which we all know is one of the top 5 scariest things in existence. However it would once again disappoint a bit, as the act came to a pretty abrupt ending with a lot of questions left hanging, and was then followed by a completely predictable and unnecessary twist.

It's a haunted house movie! It's a comedy! It's a evil sequel to Beetlejuice! It's an emotional roller coaster of a horror movie to say the least. It really is disappointing that it starts off so well and ends up being a bit of a letdown. But don't let any of that stop you from seeing it, Insidious is actually a pretty damn good movie. I can't wait to watch it again, knowing what to expect. It's one that I fully expect to grow on me the more I watch it, which makes me happy.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Why The Shirt.Woot Derby Needs Your Vote

This makes two days in a row, I know, but this needs to be said. At one point I was ordering from Shirt.Woot regularly, almost too regularly and then for some reason or another, it's like people just stopped trying. Absolutely nothing I voted for ever even got close, and the designs getting printed starting getting worse and worse. There are awesome shirts that go unprinted in every single derby.

Case in point, and the reason for this post, the recent Zombie derby. Yeah, as I mentioned yesterday I did actually order a shirt this time, but I voted for several others that didn't even make it close to the top. I'm going to post a few of them here, and trust me, every one of these is better than the other designs that got printed, and/or made the top 10. Believe me when I tell you folks, I had my twisted little black heart absolutely set on the zombie cookie shirt. If there isn't an editors pick done for it, I will simply be inconsolable.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

If I Only Had a Brain

Confession time, I love me some Wizard of Oz. I have since I was a wee lad. There's just something about that movie, it's like magic. If I'm really being honest, there probably isn't a movie I've seen more times than The Wizard of Oz, and I never get tired of it. I've watched it at least once a year since I was old enough to watch television I guess. Anyway, when I first saw that shirt.woot was running a derby for zombies, I assumed absolutely nothing good would get printed. After all, they haven't printed a good shirt in about a year now. Imagine my surprise when "If I Only Had a Brain" not only was submitted, but hung around in the fog until the very end. I just knew it wouldn't get printed, I wanted it too much. Well color me surprised kids, it not only got printed, but it came in first! I'm so proud of my fellow Wooters, and I will rock this shirt with pride. Oz pride. I'm gonna be reppin' tha O to tha Z. I'm done now.

Monday, April 25, 2011


Still got a little Easter hangover? Me neither. BUT, all the Easter shenanigans of this past weekend did remind me of a movie that I was at one point following along with thanks to Creature-Corner/Dread Central back in the day. For some reason or another, it stopped getting mentioned and it fell under my radar. I think about it every now and then, but I've never taken the time to actually try and find it anywhere.

Well friends, I've finally decided to change that, the movie just looks so absurdly stupid that I can't neglect it any longer. A quick trip to Amazon, and $3.16 later, Kottentail is on it's way to the Batcave! Will it join the ranks of other films that demand that I watch them on the appropriate holiday, such as Thankskilling, Santa's Slay, and of course the greatest Halloween movie of all time, Trick R Treat? We'll see. I kinda hope it does, I don't really have any of my own little Easter traditions, this could be the movie to change that.

Check out the hilarious trailer below if you haven't before. As for the actual movie, if there's anybody out there who has seen it, care to comment? I would love to hear what you thought, and maybe get a little head's up as to whether I've wasted my $3 or not, heh.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Scream 4

As to be expected when a major horror franchise once again graces the big screen, Scream 4 has been burning up the horror blogosphere lately. Mostly with praise to some degree or another. Far be it from me to buck the trend, and despite my overall luke warm feelings toward the Scream franchise, especially the sequels, and my absolute hatred of pretty much all things Wes Craven since the original Scream, I did see Scream 4 and will do my obligatory blog post.

As per usual, I will not spoil the movie in any way, and in keeping with that I won't even bother with any sort of a synopsis this time. For fuck's sake, it's Scream 4, seriously if you don't know what it's about then you're probably reading the wrong blog. This post will strictly deal with what I thought about the movie, which if you follow me on Twitter you've already read, but here goes anyway. 

Scream 4 is an attempt to "revamp" or restart the Scream franchise by making it relevant to a whole new generation of horror movie watchers. I can only assume that most of the people who are drooling over this movie are the ones who cut their proverbial horror teeth on the original back in 1996. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people, and just as with Scream 2 and 3, Scream 4 didn't do a whole lot for me. Everything that made the first one so successful is here again, only done to be hip to today's audience, and I found that to be disappointing. There is absolutely nothing new here, nothing you haven't seen a million times before, in fact about the only thing Scream 4 has that Scream didn't have is Twitter and blog references. That seems to be enough for a lot of people, or maybe it's just the "new Scream smell" that has people so excited, but the novelty is lost on me completely. It's going to take a LOT more than this to make me excited about another Scream sequel.

I'd like to have at least something positive to say here, and in all honesty Scream 4 isn't a bad movie, I just don't hold the series in a high a regard as most seem to. It's not Scream 4's fault that I don't really like the Scream movies. Basically what it boils down to is how much you enjoyed the others. If you like Scream you will like Scream 4, if you don't like Scream then Scream 4 won't do anything to change your mind. I understand that two more sequels have been optioned, which is as hilarious as it is pointless. I mean, we're talking about teenagers running around wearing a $10 generic halloween mask and stabbing people, not a badass motherfucker wearing a hockey mask and hacking people up with a machete in the woods. Now that is some sequel worthy shit right there...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Hunters Teaser

A while back I got a follow on Twitter from an upcoming indie horror movie known as Hunters.This actually happens from time to time as I always do my best to promote the indie scene, as I'm a fan and want to see more original artists getting their stuff out there instead of being spoon fed Hollywood bullshit like "The Priest" or Crap Helsing 2 or whatever you want to call it.

Hunters caught my attention with the following synopsis: Machetes, meat hooks, axes, guns, knives, campers, cops, killers, and lots of blood. That might not do much for you, but dammit that kind of talk gets me excited. Since originally finding out about it on Twitter, a teaser trailer has been released which you can check out for yourself below. Writer/Director Judson Scott also had this to say about the movie:

Hunters is a slasher film born out of my love for the horror genre. I love horror films so much that it's nearly impossible to express in words. There are a lot of people out there that share this same feeling, and Hunters is for those people. This is a film inspired by new horror just as much as the classics from the golden age of 80's slasher flicks - think "Inside" meet "Hatchet," built on a foundation of "Sleepaway Camp" and "The Burning." If you're familiar with these films, I hope that is enough to get you excited. For everyone else, just know that there will be an enormous body count with lots and lots of blood. There will be no reaction shots followed by a cut to a wall with blood spraying on it. None of that. You're going to see everything. We're going into this not expecting to get a "R" rating.
The absolute number one priority with Hunters is to give the fans something to be excited about. Horror is not dead. There are still great horror films being made and we are dedicated through and through to make sure Hunters will be another film to help progress the genre.
I'm keeping my eye on this one, hoping the end product is as good as the teaser looks. You can also follow along with all things Hunters on Twitter here or view the project's kickstarter page here.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

American Mary Teaser Poster

The Twisted Twins have unveiled the teaser poster for American Mary! I want one!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Infinite Playlist - Just a Dream

Gonna change it up on Mister Bones Infinite Playlist today, go with something completely different than what I normally post. I've said before, I like all kinds of music. I can find something I like in almost any genre, other than country or gospel of course. I don't see how ANYBODY could like anything from either of those...

Hate if you want to, but I've liked Nelly since the first time I heard Country Grammar, and I've got a chance to see him live coming up pretty soon, so I'm looking forward to that. This song is currently getting some heavy rotation in my playlist, "Just a Dream" from Nelly's newest album 5.0. I promise a return to the usual face melting badassery next time!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

CoD: Green Ops

A mash-up of Call of Duty and my most favoritest Ninja Turtle? You've won yourself my $10 Ript, well played!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Gearing Up for the Beta

I always get excited about a new Gears of War game, even the multiplayer for some reason. I never play the mp long enough to get any good at it really, and once again that is because I refuse to play with the public. However, starting Monday I will be doing just that when the Gears of War 3 beta begins for those of us who are getting in through the Epic Edition of Bulletstorm. Joystiq posted the following beta overview video, so I thought I'd pass it along. Wanna join me? Send a friend request to "Lil Bones" and I'll gladly chainsaw ya face!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tucker and Dale vs Evil

Horror and comedy often go hand in hand for some reason, specifically in the slasher genre. You'd be hard pressed to find a Friday the 13th or Halloween without at least a sarcastic smirk or quip meant as a little wink at the audience. Horror and comedy have been mixing together so well for so long that it's even spawned into it's own sub-genre. My favorite examples of which include Return of the Living Dead, Dead and Breakfast, Evil Dead 2, Behind the Mask: The Rise and Fall of Leslie Vernon and of course Shaun of the Dead, among others. Well add another one to the list kids, I finally got a chance to see Tucker and Dale vs Evil, and I laughed my ass off.

Tucker and Dale vs Evil is about two backwoods hicks, Tucker and Dale, who are on their way to their vacation lake home to begin work on fixing it up, and do a little fishing while they're there when they run into a group of college kids who are also on their way to the lake to do what college kids do at lakes. The first night there, Tucker and Dale are out fishing when the kids decide to go skinny dipping, there's an accident and one of the girls hits her head and falls into the water. Dale dives in to save her, and they bring her back to the cabin to bandage her up, and wait for her friends to come looking for her in the morning. Of course the kids assume that Tucker and Dale are backwoods murderers and have kidnapped their friend, so they hatch their own plan to rescue her. This leads to one hilarious mishap after another, as the kids continuously rush toward the cabin, and Tucker and Dale, and it always ends in disaster for them. For example, the first kid that attempts to approach the cabin is met by Tucker who is running frantically with a chainsaw above his head toward him, because he had been out back cutting down a tree and cut through a bee hive. Of course the kid doesn't see any bees, he just sees a hillbilly screaming at the top of his lungs running toward him with a chainsaw. Almost every one of these meetings leads to one of the kids getting killed, and Tucker and Dale believe that what they're witnessing is some sort of suicide pact being carried out among the teens.

I don't want to spoil any of the kills, but believe me most of them are hilarious. The premise of course changes a bit in the third act, and as per usual with these movies all is not what it seems. One of the kids has a tie to the cabin, and previous murders that happened there 20 years ago. I kinda felt like this little twist was a bit unnecessary, but it at least explained the behavior of that particular character, so I didn't hold it against the movie. Tucker and Dale are played by Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyke respectively and do a great job playing off of each other. Labine, or "Sock from Reaper" as I've taken to calling him, is especially good as the goodhearted goof Dale. I'm really becoming a fan of his, from Reaper to one of my favorite cameos in movie history (hug it, chug it, FOOTBAWLLL! All NITE!).

It's impossible not to recommend Tucker and Dale vs Evil to horror/comedy fans. It's overall lighthearted in tone, and leads more toward the comedy side of the genre, but there are enough horror elements here to entertain people who prefer the other half of the equation. Personally, I think it's probably the best horror/comedy I've seen since Shaun of the Dead. I liked it that much. Definitely give it a look if you're interested in a little comedy in your horror movie.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Last week on Twitter, I asked for recommendations of movies that would creep me out. I got a few responses, most of which I'd already seen, and most of which I didn't think were "creepy" in any way really. To say that I'm desensitized at this point is a gross understatement. It takes a LOT for a movie to really get to me these days. I cite films like The Strangers, Darkness, A Serbian Film, and The Descent, among a few others, as triumphs in their respective genres because they elicited an unexpected reaction from me in some form or another. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it really sticks with me.

The twisted twins, Jen and Sylvia Soska, whom I've gone on and on about here in regard to their debut film Dead Hooker in a Trunk and upcoming Katharine Isabelle starring feature American Mary, suggested that I check out a film called "Martyrs". Jen Sylvia aren't the first to recommend this movie to me, but I had still yet to see it. However, I've seen Dead Hooker in a Trunk, and if they say Martyrs will creep me out, then I'm inclined to believe them. Tonight I sat down and watched it, but I won't be reviewing it the way I normally do.

My experience with Martyrs is one of those rare occasions I talked about above. The short version for those who won't bother to read my rambling is, did I like Martyrs? Yes. It's the kind of movie that I would like to make were I to ever decide to make a movie. Very well done, well acted, make-up was top notch, and it grabbed me within the first few minutes and never let go. However, it's also the kind of movie that if you know very much about it before watching it, then it wouldn't necessarily ruin the experience for you, but it wouldn't have the same impact. I don't want to spoil this film in any way for anyone who hasn't seen it and wants to.

What I will say is that Martyrs plays as two different movies, the first of which is fine, deals with some disturbing subject matter, and had me thinking I knew exactly where this story was going. About halfway through I discovered that I was very, very wrong. When this movie turns that corner, and gives the revelation as to what is going on, it completely goes to another level of disturbing. It started to get to me, and at one point had gotten so bad that I had to text people just to for a little break and to get my mind off of the movie a bit. That might make me a pussy to some of you, if you've seen Martyrs and it didn't do the same to you then my hat's off to you. I also worry about you. I would imagine this is the type of thing that Pinhead has nightmares about. So yes, I liked Martyrs. I will likely watch it again, will definitely be adding it to my dvd collection. I doubt it will ever have the same effect on me that it did tonight, and that honestly is a bit disappointing. Something like The Strangers or A Serbian Film is going to fuck with me every time I watch it, Martyrs I think will have lost it's shock value. It will still be supremely fucked up, but I'll be ready for it next time.

I want to thank Jen and Sylvia for suggesting I watch Martyrs. Doubt they'll see this, but I asked for a recommendation and theirs delivered HUGE. I'm a little mad that I didn't see this movie sooner.I would recommend anybody looking to test how far their willing to let a movie go to fuck with them to give it a watch. I can't really compare it to anything else that I've seen, but trust me this movie is FUCKED. If anyone who happens by here knows of anything similar out there, please leave suggestions in the comments. I don't really know why I like doing this to myself, but dammit I do.

Monday, April 11, 2011


He hates punks who do magic.
From Superman/Batman #82

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Hobo With A Shotgun

More like "Hobo With a ShotFUN"! Pure. Fucking. Insanity. I don't even know where to begin. Hobo With A Shotgun is what I can only assume a bad acid trip would be like, only set to film. This movie is over the top in almost every way, especially the gore and violence. Rutger Hauer is at his "Clint Eastwoodiest" here as the titular Hobo, and is almost lost in the shuffle a bit amidst the gangsters, hookers, and demonic shogun samurai assassins. I'll say that again, demonic shogun samurai assassins.

As to be expected with so much madness taking place, there really isn't much of a plot (which seems to be a bit of a trend here lately with my movie choices, eh?). A Hobo rides into town on a train, gets tired of seeing all the rampant street crime and decides to go all vigilante with a pump shotgun he picks up in a Pawn Shop. His actions are noticed by the city's "kingpin of cime" known as The Drake, and he sets his gang upon bringing an end to the Hobo's campaign to clean up the streets.

Hobo With a Shotgun has some of the most disturbing content that I've seen since A Serbian Film. Don't want to  spoil too much here, but it's difficult to talk about the movie without giving away some things. Just to give you the general idea as to what you're getting into though, if the thought of someone stepping onto a school bus full of elementary school kids and cutting loose with a flamethrower bothers you, then maybe this isn't your kind of movie. At some points in this film, there's so much blood spraying about, you'll swear you're watching some sort of Asian splatter flick, ala The Machine Girl or Tokyo Gore Police, only it's done in good old American grindhouse fashion. Limbs flying, entrails spilling, shotgun blasts to the balls,  head's being blown apart, hacksaws to the neck, razor blade bats, Hobo With a Shotgun has all this and more.

If at any point you were reading this and thought I was trying in any way to be negative, you've misread me. I absolutely loved this movie. I was a bit shocked at the school bus scene, but everything here is done in such an over the top fashion that I couldn't help but laugh. In fact, most of what's going on is so ridiculous that it's hard to get offended, and laughter is the only reaction I had to it. If you're looking for a little bit of "holy shit that's awesome" and like your movies "the bloodier, the better" then I definitely recommend giving Hobo With a Shotgun a watch. I was highly entertained, and once the credits started to roll, I was ready to go back to the beginning and watch it again. That kind of thing doesn't happen near enough these days.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Infinite Playlist - A Lesson Never Learned

I just got the new Asking Alexandria record, "Reckless and Relentless" so you get to listen to my current favorite from it. This one is a little different than their first record, which won the Bonesy for Best Breakthrough Artist last year. I dig it, but it's going to have to grow on me a little, where "Stand Up and Scream" I loved from the very first time I heard it.

Anyway, as stated, this is the song from Reckless that I can't get enough of so far, I'm sure there will be more, but until then, enjoy A Lesson Never Learned.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Random Screen Grab

He made Hulk angry...

...he then found why you won't like Hulk angry.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Monday, April 4, 2011


As mentioned here, I finally got around to watching my copy of Buried. This one honestly surprised me, as I had heard mixed things but a surprising amount of positive stuff. I thought I would probably like it, as I like Ryan Reynolds, but I didn't have any idea that it would jump to the top of my "favorite Ryan Reynolds movies" list, and yes I have a "favorite Ryan Reynolds movies" list. This post will be spoiler free, as you all know how much I hate spoilers.

Buried is the story of truck driver Paul Conroy, who is working as a contractor in Iraq delivering supplies to towns damaged in the war. After his convoy is attacked by terrorists, he awakens buried alive in a wooden coffin with only a zippo and cell phone. As his memory slowly returns, he races against time, a dying cell battery,  and a lack of oxygen to escape the death trap.

As you can see, there isn't much of a synopsis to Buried. That's all there is to it, a truck driver wakes up buried alive in a coffin somewhere in the desert. He has no idea where he is, at first he can hardly remember how he ended up there, and he only has a zippo and a cell phone. The camera never leaves the coffin, the audience is just as trapped in there as Paul is. This is minimalist film making at it's absolute finest. This movie is as tense as movies get for me, the very idea of being buried alive is enough to almost make me queasy. The only reprieve is that the coffin seems to be a bit oversized, as Paul seems to have at least a little room to maneuver some. Still it's a horrifying thought. 

I really felt sorry for Paul, as he appears to be a character I think a lot of us can relate to. He's just a regular guy, trying to make a living, and this contract probably came along that offered a substantial amount of money for a guy like him, so he took it despite the risk involved. He handles the whole thing better than I think I would, as I would likely be crying like a little bitch from the moment I woke up. He maintains his cool relatively well throughout the ordeal, even when dealing with people who aren't exactly helpful on the phone. You just think you've lost your patience when dealing with folks on the phone before, try it from the inside of a coffin!  He also has a few other obstacles to contend with, but in sticking with my "no spoiler" policy, I won't go any further into them.

Overall, I thought this was an extremely well done movie. It is a shining example of the "less is more" approach. I don't think I would've liked it as much had it ever moved outside of the coffin. You get all you need from the phone conversations, and Ryan Reynolds, who turns in what is the best performance of his acting career in my opinion. Highly recommend giving this one a watch.