Mister Bones' Top 5

As with most of the horror lovers of the world, I'm all into Eli Roth's "Hemlock Grove" on Netflix. There's one scene in particular at the end of the second episode that's had everybody talking for a couple weeks now,  a werewolf transformation. It's a pretty damn good one, and I don't need to tell you that those don't come along very often. It's an oft debated topic, which transformation is the best. Almost everybody references either American Werewolf in London or The Howling as the very best, and then runners up are all over the place.

Seeing as how I've not done a top 5 in a month of full moon's, I thought I'd throw my picks into the ring. Now, take into account that while I've seen a LOT of werewolf movies, I still haven't seen every one, so if there's something more badass than the one's I've picked, please feel free to point me in the direction of better ones. I do love me a werewolf flick.

Top 5 Werewolf Transformations

5. Hemlock Grove - The new kid on the block manages to snag the #5 spot on my list. I like how the actor makes it look incredibly painful, like the eyes and teeth popping out, and absolutely love that the wolf takes a chunk of the leftover flesh as a little snack. My only complaint is the CG, a couple of places it looks fairly cartoonish. But still, no denying that this is one of the best transformation sequences in recent memory.

4. Thriller - Out of all my picks, this is the one that I suspect might get me the most flack, but it's my list and I'll pick what I want. This absolutely terrified me as a kid. Rick Baker does the unthinkable, and actually makes a young Michael Jackson even SCARIER than he would eventually become later in life! Fast forward to about 2:15 for the transformation.

3. Trick r Treat - Really dig this one, partially because it had been SO long since I'd seen a really badass werewolf transformation sequence when I first watched Trick r Treat. I really dig that they're all female, and I like how the transformations look a lot like strip tease, only instead of just removing clothing, they're taking skin off too.

2. The Howling - Yep, I find myself on the "Howling is #2" side of the fence. Yes, this is fantastic effects work, no denying it. For it's time, it's a stunning achievement. My minor nitpicks though? What's with all the bubbling? A little bit is ok, but there's just a bit too much for my taste in this transformation. My main complaint though, is that dude looks happy to be transforming. Despite all the bones cracking, the aforementioned bubbling of things, etc., there are times when he's smiling. It definitely gives it a creepy as fuck vibe, but at the same time, there's no way he could be enjoying it.

1. An American Werewolf in London - Ah, the grandaddy of them all, no film in my lifetime has ever topped Rick Baker and co.'s transformation in An American Werewolf in London. It just does everything right, INCLUDING making it quite obvious that David is in some serious pain, as we can see from the very beginning. Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said a million times before regarding this masterpiece of FX work. 

There's my picks for the top 5 werewolf transformations of all time. As I mentioned before, I always welcome differing opinions, feel free to recommend others that I might not have seen.

Mister Bones' Top 5

Yesterday I had a friend bring to my attention the existence of a porn parody of the Avengers. I'm not a big porn fan, despite the fact that making a statement like that will undoubtedly be met with a healthy amount of disbelief, and likely a fair amount of scoffing, I can only say that I have neither the time nor desire to attempt to prove the internet that I don't love porn. That being said, I will fully admit to enjoying the hell out of porn parody trailers. They're almost always hilarious, and they exist for just about every genre of film or pop culture these days. As I can off the top of my head think of 5 that I particularly found amusing, I thought this might be a good excuse for a Top 5 post.

Top 5 Porn Parody Trailers

Note, these are Youtube safe and have no nudity whatsoever, but may or may not be considered safe for work or family friendly. Watch at your own risk!

5. Star Wars XXX - This looks to be most of the actual plot in the trailer, as I can't imagine there is much left except for the naughty stuff. Nonetheless, it looks like a great Star Wars spoof, I especially love Chewbacca.

4. The Avengers XXX - I'm actually fairly impressed at some of the obscure Marvel characters featured in this one. Ms Marvel, Scarlet Witch, Spider-woman, and even Sharon Carter make the roster. Judging from the trailer, I guess Hulk is the villain? Don't know, but I have to give any porn with a CGI Iron Man in it props. 

3. Justice League XXX - Ron Jeremy as Penguin, and Wonder Woman's invisible jet. Need I say more?

2. Official Friday the 13th Parody - This one is hilarious for Jason's origin alone, if for no other reason. He drowned in the lake because his...ahem..."meat machete" was too heavy, and it acted as an anchor that kept him from being able to resurface. Bwahaha! 

1. Batman XXX - You knew this was gonna be my pick for #1, didn't ya? Yep, a Batman movie that I actually don't own is my favorite porn parody ever. It's a spoof of the 60's television Batman too, right down to the intro. I told myself I would eventually probably buy this one, as I'm helpless to resist Batman related stuff, but so far I haven't.

There they are in all the adult glory, my Top 5 Porn Parody Trailers! Some others that failed to make the cut were The XXXorcist, Saved by the Bell XXX, and of course who could forget Scooby Doo XXX. Tomorrow, we forget all this adult crap, and get back to what really matters, comics and stuff! Last porn post for a good while, I promise...

Mister Bones' Top 5

There are times when I'm at the gym, tank running close to empty, contemplating throwing in the towel and heading home early...and then, as if on cue, a song will come on that completely changes my attitude and gets me even more pumped than I was when I first got there. Pantera, you ask? Nay. Metallica, maybe? Nope. Then it's gotta be Slayer, right? Wrong again friend, more often than not it's a cheesy rock anthem/ballad from an 80's movie soundtrack. And yes, I have lots of rock anthem/ballads from 80's movie soundtracks on my Zune. Don't even act like you're surprised. Top 5 time!

Top 5 80's Movie Soundtrack Rock Anthems that Get Me Pumped!

5. Win in the End (Teen Wolf) Mark Safan - I was blinded by the pain, running wild through the rain, in a parody of extacy...I was inches from the edge, fingers clinging to the ledge again, I never thought I'd win...WIIIIN IN THE EEEEENDDD! I'm gonna WIN IN THE END!!!! That is motivational as fuck right there. This song is so 80's I just can't help but love it.

4. No Easy Way Out (Rocky IV) Robert Tepper - In the gym, just as in all aspects of life, there's no easy way out, there's no shortcut home. There are ups, there are downs, and there are days when a freakishly large, blonde haired, Russian Dolph Lundgren beats your best friend Carl Weathers to death. The only thing to do when that happens is to jump in your car, crank this tune, and just fucking drive. Work some shit out, flex the old brain muscles, do some serious brooding. Real life shit. This is the perfect song for such occasions.

3. You're the Best (Karate Kid) Joe Esposito - This is the ultimate pick me-up song toward the end of a long run. It's impossible for you not to get a second wind, imagining you're running for Olympic Gold...inching every closer to that finish line, with a Jamaican super speedster nipping at your heels the entire time. Fuck I'm getting pumped just thinking about it, sitting here typing away on my laptop. Of course this song also applies to other situations, and can be used in any number of ways. A Facebook status update for instance, or when it randomly plays on your computer while you're in the bedroom with a lady friend...hypothetically....

2. You Got the Touch (Transformers the Movie) Stan Bush - Almost as good as the song itself is the scene when it first plays in the movie. Optimus finally arrives at Autobot HQ while the Decepticons are straight up wrecking shit, and single handedly turns the tide of the battle, sending Megatron and company packing. I get chills whenever I hear the beginning, even when I'm at the gym...chills. I also pretend I'm a big red Transformer and proceed to lift more weights than any normal human being should. I've got the touch...I've got the POOOWWWEEEERRRR! YEAH!!!!

1. Thunder in Your Heart (Rad) John Farnham - Hands down, the number one song to listen to when you're in need of some motivating! They're dying to shake you, trying their best to break you...and though the going is rough, you're coming home as a HERO...'Cause there's thunder in your HEART, every move is likea LIGHTNING! It's the power you feel when you get your taste of the glory! Holy shit, YES. You are motherfucking right, Mr. Farnham. Get outta my way, bitches! There's a fire gonna start, and you know you're going under...I can light the dark when you hear my heart of THUNDER!!!

Whew! There you go people, a heaping dose of motivation for your day, courtesy of Tales From the Batcave and Mister Bones' Top 5. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a burning desire to go run some laps around my house, or go out to the driveway and bench press my truck. 

Mister Bones' Top 5

Let's do a top 5 shall we? It's been a while, and if the "popular posts" header over there on my right is any indication these are some of my most read posts for some reason beknownst only to the internet gods. Anyway, bad guys, I've almost always rooted for the bad guys. They almost always have the best costumes, best toys, best leaders, best everything. With that in mind, here are the top 5 evil organizations I would join today, no questions asked, were they real.

Top 5 Evil Organizations You Can Sign Me Up For

5. Umbrella Corporation (Resident Evil) - How cool are these guys? Bio experiments creating all kinds of fucked up monsters and shit, even at times going so far as to turn themselves into nearly indestructible walking death machines. The Tyrant, Nemesis, Lickers, Hunters, and the list goes on and on. I already work in the medical field, with the right benefits package, the Umbrella Corporation is only the logical step in my career path. Just call me Mister Wesker.

4. Cobra (GI Joe) - Whether you're a supporter of Destro, that douchebag Serpentor, or the supreme badass Cobra Commander, one thing you gotta admit is that it's MUCH better to be a Cobra than a Joe. What a collection of lame-asses those guys are. Even if I don't get my own cool code name and specialty like Storm Shadow or Major Bludd, I'm still down to be a Viper or Crimson Guardsman, hell I'll even take Techno-Viper if it means I'm not Footloose or Quick Kick.

3. Helghast (Killzone) - For my number three pick, I have to admit I'm being completely shallow. This one is ALL about that uniform. How sick would I look rocking one of those? Dude. I'm not sure exactly what age you get to enlist on Helghan, but I'm thinking I would be one of those guys who lied about their age to get in early. In fact, as I'm sitting here typing this I'm wondering if maybe I couldn't actually find a replica somewhere online. I would never take it off.

2. Decepticons (Transformers) - Tell me ONE thing that isn't named "Optimus Prime" that makes being an Autobot more badass than a Decepticon? You can't. Better logo, better shit to transform into, and a complete and total lack of concern about the puny humans who get in the way of their quest to acquire the precious energon needed to return back to Cybertron and straight up run shit. That's the kind of thinking I can get on board with. I even know what I would transform into, a jet black Range Rover equipped with missiles, mini guns, tactical nukes, and a never ending supply of Jolly Ranchers. The name "Rangimus Rovertron" would only be spoken in frightened whispers by trembling Autobots all over the galaxy. All hail Megatron!

1. Empire (Star Wars) - Yeah, ok which side are YOU gonna choose? The galactic Empire with all the cool ships and vehicles, repping the Dark Side of the Force, throwing lightning all over the place and choking bitches from across the room with our thumbs and index fingers....OR a ragtag bunch of "rebels" who can push shit across the room and makeout with their sisters? Thought so. Whether I'm a Storm Trooper or a Sith Lord, I'm Dark Side for life. Still undecided? Let me help make your mind up for you...

Welcome to the Dark Side.

There you go, my top favorite evil organizations. A few quick honorable mention shout-outs for the Cobra Kai, Marvel's undead ninja badasses The Hand, Spaceballs, the Pyramid Head worshiping Order from Silent Hill, Hail Hydra!, and last but most certainly not least...LOS LOCOS! Major props to anyone other than my brother who gets that last reference. All hail Megatron! For Helghan! Strike first, strike hard, no mercy sir! COOOOOBBBBRRRRAAAA!!!!!

Mister Bones' Top 5

The fighting game genre is one that seems to go through brief stints of popularity, then almost completely falls off the map for a while, only to resurface whenever a new entry into an established franchise is released. If any genre has suffered from the death of arcades, it's this one. I've always been a fan of fighters, Karate Champ introduced me to them, but it was the first time I dropped a quarter into a Street Fighter II machine that got me hooked.

I'm sort of a "middle ground" player, I don't study every game I play, don't really break it down to science, but then I'm far from a button-masher too. I despise button-mashers. I tend to find one or two fighters, and focus on them. The rest of the roster on the game I just use to beat up on. That works fine for single player, but when you're playing with friends, it can get boring using the same old fighters, so mixing it up becomes interesting when you're playing characters you've never played before.

Recently, the wonderful people at Xbox made Street Fighter III Online available at half price, lowering it to a mere 600 msp, and I finally lost my resolve and bought it. This makes the 6th time I've purchased this game, by the way. I still have all three Dreamcast versions, as well as the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection on both PS2 and Xbox. I'm a fan. In fact, Street Fighter III is not only probably my favorite fighting game of all time (I go back and forth between it and Capcom vs SNK 2) but it's one of my favorite games, period.

With all that in mind, and based on the fact that I'm currently fixated on Street Fighter again, I thought I'd do a top 5 featuring my favorite fighting game characters of all time. These are the five that if you're playing against me and you see me pick one, you better bring your "A game" because it's going to be a battle.

Top 5 Fighting Game Characters I'll Beat Your Ass With

5. Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) - Yeah, uh-huh...you know what it is....blackandyellow, blackandyellow, blackandyellow, blackandyellow. Remember the first time you saw Mortal Kombat? I do, and it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. There was blood! The characters looked like real people! Holy shit, did that ninja just rip that dude's spine out?! YES. Mortal Kombat has gone through a couple of changes over the years, some worked, some didn't, but the one that that's never changed is that as soon as I play a new MK for the first time, I'm Scorpion all the way. Be prepared for teleportation, fire breath, and of course one of the most famous lines in fighting game history....GET OVER HERE!!! Also be prepared for these words.... Scorpion wins, Fatality.

4. Voldo (Soul Calibur)  - It's absolutely impossible for me to play any Soul Calibur and no immediately go to Voldo. He initially caught my eye because of his looks, like some kind of cross between a gimp and something you'd run into in the hospital in Silent Hill, but it's his quickness, reach, and unorthodox fighting style that makes me love him. He's absolutely lethal regardless of his stance. Facing forward, backward, on the ground, doesn't matter. His weapons put him at a slight disadvantage to some of the other fighters, especially those with long reach weapons like Seigfried, but his speed more than makes up for it. 

3. Hwoarang (Tekken) - In multiplayer fighting amongst friends, I am to this day undefeated with Hwoarang, or as I like to call him, feets of fury. This motherfucker is as deadly as fighters in Tekken come, especially with me behind the controller. He uses a Taekwondo style that mixes plenty of different kicks with quick jabs, and some lethal throws. There is literally no other character in Tekken that comes even close to being able to compete against him. Well, maybe Eddie Gordo, maybe. But he was so cheap that he basically broke Tekken 3 anyway. Anyway, Hwoarang, I pick him and you're done.

2. Sagat (Street Fighter) - TIGER GENOCIDE. Those two words should send a chill up the spine of any Street Fighter player. I know they do mine. The single most devastating maneuver to ever grace a fighting game, and I use it mercilessly. Of course there are plenty of Tiger Uppercuts and fireballs leading up the Genocide as well. I actually never cared much for him until SF Alpha 3. I feel like that's when he really came into his own and felt more like a regular character instead of a slightly overpowered sub-boss. I fell in love with him then though, and I've never looked back. Sagat is Ryu's rival both in game, and in my own heart for best SF character overall.

1. Ryu/Ken (Street Fighter) - Probably the most over used characters in the history of fighters, especially Ryu. Ryu is like the Wolverine of fighting games. But just like Wolverine, that doesn't mean he isn't a bad motherfucker. I decided to put them both at #1 because aside from slight differences they are basically the same, and also to keep Street Fighter from completely taking over the top 5. I've been a Ryu guy since the first time I played Street Fighter II. He's my go-to anytime I feel like I'm going up against a player who knows what they're doing, Ken is my second. I can remember living in Atlanta and having matches with my roommate Walt (who is a Ken man) that could only be described as wars. Any time a new Capcom fighter is released you can count on two things, Ryu will be in it and he will be the first character I play with. Hadouken!!!

So there's my top 5 favorite fighting game characters! There are a ton of people that I felt bad leaving off, but I've been playing fighters for over 20 years now, and there's no way I could list them all here. If you've got any favorites that aren't here, feel free to give them a shout-out in the comments section. Any other fighting enthusiasts out there want to throw down? Shoot a friend request to either of the gamertags over there in the sidebar, Lil Bones on XBL or Mister_Bones on PSN. 

Mister Bones' Top 5

I haven't done one of these in a while, and was inspired by a conversation at work this morning to do another top 5 list. As I've mentioned countless times before, I have to be a little bit picky when it comes to which games I can afford to pay full price for. Believe me, there's not many, and for me to put down $60 I have to want something pretty bad. I came up with 5 or 6 games for the remainder of 2011 that I will absolutely have to have on release day...

Top 5 Most Anticipated Games for the Second Half of 2011

5. Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 - I think the last Call of Duty game I bought on day one was the first Modern Warfare. I normally don't get into the multiplayer on CoD because I don't know about you, but for me, running around with a pellet gun, when the rest of the world has been playing non-stop for months and unlocking all the perks and better weapons, just doesn't appeal to me. However, I do love the Call of Duty single player campaigns, and the trailers for Modern Warfare 3 have me salivating.

4. Gears of War 3 - For some, Gears is beginning to show it's age and suffer a bit from sequelitis. I can see that a little bit, and I think Gears 4 may end up being a totally different experience. In the meantime, Gears of War 3 looks jaw-droppingly awesome. From what I've seen, the enemies look bigger and there are more on-screen at any given moment than ever before. Personally, I can't wait to put Marcus, the Cole Train, and the rest of the Cogs through their final confrontation with the Locust Queen. 

3. Silent Hill Downpour - I've made no secret for my love of this series. It's my absolute favorite survival horror franchise, and I love it to death. Downpour doesn't look like it's going to stray too far from the proven Silent Hill formula, although it will introduce optional side quests for the first time in the series.Best believe I'll be doing everything there is to do in this one, as I must devour as many details of Silent Hill as humanly possible.

2. Battlefield 3 - Oh my damn, this game looks fucking AMAZING. Again, as I've mentioned time and time again here, I am a huge Battlefield fan. Modern Combat, 1943, Bad Company, it doesn't matter, I love them all. I love Battlefield so much in fact that I'll even play multiplayer with the general public. Every trailer I've seen for Battlefield 3 so far has just added to my excitement. I think this is going to be the best-looking game we've seen on consoles to date, it is gorgeous. Dice never disappoints, and my expectations for the third true Battlefield game are through the roof.

1. Batman Arkham City - I know I don't need to explain why I'm so excited for this one. Anybody who played Rocksteady's last Batman game, Arkham Asylum, should be excited for this sequel. Me? I am literally counting the days, and currently reading the comic series from Paul Dini that bridges the first game to the second. The premise for Arkham City is a little far-fetched, even for Gotham City, but I have all the faith in the world in Rocksteady to produce the greatest super-hero video game of all time. I mean, they've already done that once, right?

There you have it, where a good bit of my extra spending money for the remainder of 2011 will be going. One more honorable mention goes to Insomniac's Resistance 3 which I will also likely be buying on day one. First one was ok, but damn I loved Resistance 2. Anyway, there's of course a handful of other things I'm interested in playing but will be waiting for price drops, and as per usual I have plenty to play and some interesting looking XBLA titles on the horizon to keep me busy while I wait for these.

The remainder of 2011 looks pretty good for gamers, and 2012 looks to be a great year too. Bioshock Infinite, Mass Effect 3, Halo 4 and the list goes on. I really should probably look into getting some sort of second job. Anybody out there hiring?

Mister Bones' Top 5

Location, location, location! Was thinking about this the other day, about how some games have certain locations, or towns, or even planets that they're known for. Places that as soon as you mention them, everybody already knows exactly what you're talking about. Then I got to thinking, what about everybody else in these places, other than the game's main characters? We all know Chris Redfield is gonna make it out of Raccoon City, he's a highly trained member of S.T.A.R.S. but what bout John Smith who was just in town vacationing? Or Jane Doe who had only flown into town for a business meeting with Umbrella? This lead to my thinking about which video game  places I would most like to visit myself, and that is Top 5 material if I've ever seen it.

Mister Bones Top 5 Video Game Locales I'd Like to Visit

5. Helghan (Killzone) - It wouldn't take much to talk me into joining the Helghast. Not because I believe in Scolar Visari or his campaign to forcefully overtake the universe and crush it in his iron grip of tyranny, but because the Helghast wear the goddamn coolest uniforms EVER. I don't know what it is about the whole gas mask thing that does it for me, but I've always been a sucker for them. You give me one of those uniforms and an assault rifle and I'll follow you anywhere.

4. Willamette Parkview Mall (Dead Rising) - I normally don't do malls, I despise them. I go to the mall exactly two times a year, once at Easter for the kids to get Easter Bunny pictures, and once at Xmas for the kids to get Santa Claus pictures. The Willamette Parkview Mall though? I'd spend my every waking moment there. There's a gun and knife store, toy stores, a gym, a massive food court, a grocery store, a hardware store, a movie theater, a park outside, psychopaths, cultists, zombies, and the list goes on and on. You simply don't find that amount of entertainment in ONCE place often. When you do, why would you ever want to leave? I wouldn't.

3. Castlevania (Castlevania) - A must visit for absolutely anybody who loves the Universal Monsters, they're ALL here. Dracula really brings em out, with zombies, Medusa, Mummy, Frankenstein, Wolfman, Creature from the Black Lagoon, and even the Grim Reaper himself amongst all other kinds of ghosts and goblins. You have to plan ahead for this one though, as it's more than likely a once in a lifetime thing. Dracula's famous castle only appears once every hundred years or so, and there's always a pesky Belmont descendant looking to throw a monkeywrench, or whip, into the big D's resurrection party. I think I'd be right at home in the middle of this monster mash.

2. Raccoon City (Resident Evil) - Sadly it was blown to hell at the end of the second game, but even though it only got a couple years screen time, it's legacy burned a permanent place in my brain, and I could tell that Raccoon City was my kind of city. The Umbrella Corporation took an average mid-western metropolis and made it AWESOME with little more than a couple of bio-weapon accidents. Zombies, zombie Dobermans, Lickers, Hunters, giant snakes, giant sharks, giant alligators in the sewers, and who could forget the Tyrant and Nemesis? If Raccoon City was a real place, I'd be booking me an extended stay in that infamous mansion today.

1. Silent Hill (Silent Hill) - Hands down the most awesome town in video game history. This one is hard to describe really, as it is apparently different for everybody who visits. I can only imagine what my own Silent Hill would be like. On the outside, it looks like any other serene, small town, but once the fog rolls in and the siren sounds, Silent Hill is literally transformed into Hell. A Hell of your own making. You can count on puzzles, run down hospitals full of faceless, evil nurses and Pyramid Head and his giant sword. Yep if Silent Hill was real town, fuck visiting, go ahead and forward my mail because I'm gonna be a permanent resident.

Those are the top 5, but the list goes on and on. Reach, Lego Gotham, Sera, Rapture, the Ishimura, and you can even sign me up for some mortal kombat on Outworld. There are countless video game places that I'd rather be than here in boring old real life. Got any other suggestions for video game vacationing?

Mister Bones Top 5

Remember way back when we all were first discovering that website that allowed your Xbox 360 to write it's own blog? You know, the one we all signed up for and then nobody ever went to again? Well, I actually still go to mine, and pretty often too. I don't go for the stupid daily posts, as there seem to be somewhere in the ballpark of around 5 or 6 different ones and they just repeat, only with different games plugged in depending on what I played the day before. No, I still visit 360voice because over in the sidebar it keeps up with the games you've played and how many days you've played them. That may not sound like much to you, but dammit that shit is important to me for some reason.

Top 5 Xbox 360 Games by Days Played

5. Dead Rising - (61 Days) This game would rank considerably higher if this list were done by hours played. This is the most Sega-ish game I've ever played that wasn't done by Sega. Everybody already knows what this game is about, so I need go into no further detail as to why I love it so much. Still my favorite 360 game, and I will continue to defend it until my dying day.

4. Left 4 Dead - (64 Days) Valve's original zombie fps masterpiece. This is the ultimate pick up and play game for me, as I love shooters and I love zombies. There aren't many levels, but they're all fun which is a must considering you play through them over and over. The main draw here for me is the characters. I absolutely loved Bill, Zoe, Lewis, and especially Francis. The dialog is absolutely hilarious, with Francis being my favorite. "I'm feelin' pretty shitty...and a little woozy... Ugh... Well, the woozy's kinda fun."

3. Borderlands - (65 Days) Gotta love Claptrap! Borderlands came out of nowhere and grabbed me in it's steely grasp of awesome. Love the cel-shaded look, love the rpg elements and I looooove looting. Even through the mostly repetitive gameplay, Borderlands kept me coming back in the hopes that I'd reach that next level or find an assault rifle even more badass than the one I was currently carrying. This one also has been kept in fairly heavy rotation due to the bevy of downloadable content that I'm helpless to resist. Still looking for help with Crawmerax and MINAC by the way...

2. NHL 07 - (84 Days) Well documented here, hockey is my favorite sport. I worship it. For years I had also worshiped the NHL 2K series, but in 2007 that streak came to an end. This was the year that EA completely rebuilt their hockey game franchise, and added the dual analog control scheme that I love oh so much. I absolutely couldn't get enough of this game, as is evident from the amount of time I put into it.

1. Halo 3 - (207 Days) Nope, that is not a typo. According to the site I've played Halo 3 on 207 days. You can attribute that statistic to a couple of things, first my son and I are both Halo fanboys, and second I was into the multiplayer big time. I played it every day after work, we had game nights with a large group of friends every weekend, and I would even run with the general public if nobody else was online. It was easy to get a pretty big rooms going with friends, as this was the one game that pretty much everybody had. Seriously if you've never experienced Mosh Pit on Guardian or Halio Kart on Sandtrap with the Black Majik crew, then you've missed out on some of the most fun you can have in gaming. I didn't even mention the Grifball games either... Ah, memories.

So that's where I've spent my most time on my Xbox. Previous top 5 spots belonged to classics such as Chromehounds, Battlefield 2 Modern Combat, and Gears of War, which just recently dropped out thanks to Borderlands. Currently burning their way up the charts looking to leave their mark in the top 5 are contenders such as Gears of War 2, Left 4 Dead 2, Halo Reach, and Dead Rising 2. Anybody else using 360 voice feel free to share your top 5!

Mister Bones' Top 5

As inspired by this post, over at Drake's Doomsday Corner, which I already went on a rant about in his comments section. I've been meaning to do this here, since it's considered bad blogger etiquette  to write small novella's in other blogger's comment section. Thankfully Mr. Drake didn't call me out on it! Here are my top 5 things that I hate about my second most beloved hobby, gaming.

Top 5 Things I Hate About Gaming

5. Racing Games Not Named "Burnout" - I hate, hate, HATE racing games. There have been a few exceptions over the years, F-Zero, Mario Kart, and the Burnout series for example, but as a general rule, if it's a racer, it's safe to go ahead and assume that I hate it. For starters, they're boring. Ooh, look, the rear end of a car...thrilling! Thing is, I don't really dig cars that much, so unlocking a Ferrari doesn't appeal to me. Nor does every time I come up to a turn, unless I come to an almost complete halt, I go spinning into the grass. I also despise that fact that you begin every single race in last place, most likely in the worst car in the game, and have to place first to progress.And don't get ahead of the computer, because all of a sudden every one of the AI cars becomes equipped with endless nitrous and before you know it, you're in fourth place heading into the home stretch. Yeah, fuck YOU racing game.

4. Insanely Difficult Achievements - Since the invention of the achievement waaay back when the Xbox 360 first launched, I've become a bit of a whore for them. Not as bad as some of you, and you know who you are, but I do so love the sound of that little "pop" and seeing my reward for a specific action show up on my screen. What I don't love is when I play a tough game, get all the way through it, and because the 'cheeves are so ridiculously difficult to earn, I only have 110 points to show for my 20+ hours, and yes, I'm looking at YOU Devil May Cry 4.

3. Multiplayer Taking Over - I'm in the minority here, and I'm fully aware of this, but I still game primarily for the single player experience. I'll take a good campaign over good multiplayer any day. To me, multiplayer is a nice add-on to give me more game for my money, but I never buy a game because of it. The past few years, campaigns have gotten shorter and shorter, especially in shooters, or just been left out altogether, and that sucks. The well is also drying up on games that don't have any multiplayer at all, and more and more developers are tacking on bare bones multiplayer modes that are unnecessary, ala Bioshock 2. Yes, the industry has changed, I get that, change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean that developers should leave all of us who still enjoy just playing with ourselves behind.

2. Rewarding Parents Basement Dwellers - This bad boy right here I'm calling Infinity Ward out on, fuck you for rewarding the kids who get to sit in their parents basement and do nothing but play your stupid game all day long with better guns, ammo, "perks", and shit at the expense of those of us who only get to play for an hour or two at the most on the weekends. I've lost count at how many times I've gotten the drop on somebody in multiplayer, only to have them turn around and drop me with one or two shots because the pellet guns I have at my disposal just aren't up to snuff, especially against the .50 cal that dude is carrying. Nothing infuriates me more than an unfair advantage, especially when given that age, eyesight, and reflex time already give these damn kids one in the first place. I have a life, bills to pay, real life responsibilities, so I should be punished because I can't devote the time to your game that others do? It's fine to want to reward die hards, in fact I'm all for it, but at least give the rest of us a mode to play in by ourselves.

1. Headset Inspired Bravado - That is my attempt at putting "shit talking" nicely. Like almost anybody else you talk to about the subject, the main reason I stay away from multiplayer gaming with the public, is the shit talking morons. Something about knowing that you're hiding safely behind a television screen, a headset, and a nickname brings out the worst in people. So it's either play without a headset, with the sound turned off, or get called a fag, or a racial slur, or have my mother be insulted, simply because I either don't get as many kills in Halo as you do, or even worse, I kill you instead of putting down my gun and letting you kill me and teabag my corpse. The worst part is most of these little bastards aren't any older than 12 years old. I blame the parents. I also avoid public multiplayer gaming because I'd like nothing more than to crawl through my television and choke the shit out of one of these fuckers with their microphone cord, and as a grown up, I simply shouldn't be thinking these kinds of things.

You may have noticed a trend to this particular post, and yes, you're right, most of the things I hate about gaming are multiplayer related. What sucks is that I actually do enjoy it, when I have enough friends who are playing a game, and have enough to get a private room going, it's some of the most fun I have gaming. I have very fond memories of FarCry Fridays on the original Xbox, Ghost Recon, Halo 3 Fridays, and especially many, many nights playing Star Wars Battlefront into the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, we've all gotten older, and gone our separate ways for the most part now. That's life I suppose.

I appreciate your time, and hope you enjoyed my bitching about gaming! Thanks again to Drake for the inspiration, and I encourage anyone who hasn't to check out his original post as his points are also spot-on in my opinion. Also, anyone reading who feels the same way I do, or just wants an easy target to pump virtual ammunition into should feel free to send an Xbox Live friend request to Lil Bones or a PSN friend request to the much wiser, older, and more mature Mister_Bones.

Mister Bones' Top 5

Well kiddies, Xmas is right around the corner, and you can believe me when I tell you that I've been especially good this year. In fact I've been SO good, that I fully expect to wake up Xmas morning and find a multitude of colorfully wrapped gifts with my name all over them. To help with any of you last minute shoppers, and to keep any of you from buying me the same gift, I've comprised a list of the Top 5 things on my Xmas list. Tis the season for giving, and as such I'm GIVING you ideas as to what to buy me! Who says I'm not in the holiday spirit?!

Top 5 Things on Mister Bones' Xmas List

5. Episode V 30th Anniversary Edition Stormtrooper Precision Cast Replica Helmet - Help me pay my respects to Irvin Kershner, beloved director of the finest of the Star Wars film installments, who sadly passed away last month, for a meager $199 credits.

4. Sideshow Jason Voorhees Terror of Crystal Lake Statue - There are holes, both in my collection and my heart where this statue belongs. It's so beautiful it almost brings a tear to my eye. Make my holidays extra special for the low, low price of $229.

3. Bose Cinemate GS Series II Digital Home Theater Speaker System - Just imagine how much more interesting my movie review posts would be if I had these speakers to listen to my movies on. Plus, I'm getting old yanno? The hearing isn't what it used to be. This Xmas, save my children the torment of having to repeat to daddy everything the guy on television just said for a piddly $799.

2. Life Size Batman Statue - This one works two-fold as it not only would look great in the Batcave, but also would act as a deterrent to any potential burglars. For a mere $5,220 you can not only single-handedly save Xmas, but also make my home safer for me and my children. And if you act now, you'll even get FREE SHIPPING!

1. 2010 Range Rover Sport GT Limited Edition - This one is more of a need than a want. I'm currently in a Ranger, which is as close to "Ranger Rover" as I could get, but as a single parent with two small children, while a fine truck, the Ranger presents space issues as it's difficult to fit all of us in comfortably. With the Range Rover, me and the kids would not only have sufficient leg room, but also plenty of space to put the groceries until we get home. I went with the Sport GT Limited Edition for the kids, as I wouldn't want them to suffer the embarrassment of having ride around with their father in a plain old Rover, and also having the LE will aid me while cruising for chicks, but mostly because of the kids thing. At a base price of only $69,495 please feel free to buy me two, a black one and a white one, so that I will have one to drive on rainy days, and one to drive on non-rainy days.

See? I'm easy to shop for. Feel free to use any of the above ideas, or go out on your own. Basically, if it's a comic book, horror movie, hockey jersey, or has Batman, Jason Voorhees, or a Flyers or Auburn logo anywhere on it, you're golden. Happy shopping!

Mister Bones' Top 5

Zombies, we all love them, yes? I love them, you love them, we all love the brain munchers. That's not all I love though, I also love Batman. What's better than Batman? Batman fighting zombies, of course. It doesn't happen all that often, but with Blackest Night this Summer, and heroes returning from the dead left and right all over the DC Universe, Batman has had his hands full with the undead lately.

You might say to yourself at this point, "What better time, Bones, than now to post your top 5 favorite zombie related Batman comic covers of all time?" Don't mind as I do, friend. Don't mind as I do.

Top 5 Zombie Related Batman Comic Covers

5. Batman Confidential #46 by Tom Mandrake - You don't often hear mention of horror comic artists and not hear the name Tom Mandrake. He's probably best known for his Spectre run from the 90's, but he's also fond of drawing the Batman. He recently finished this Batman Confidential arc, which you might remember my mentioning was a direct sequel to last year's "Superman and Batman vs Vampires and Werewolves and This is the Longest Title We Could Think of for this Comic". Ok, maybe that wasn't exactly the title, but I didn't add much.

4. Blackest Night Batman #3 by Andy Kubert - I know you're probably wondering why these particular zombies are dressed like disco dancers. It's because they're the reanimated corpses of Dick Grayson's parents, Grayson as in the first Robin, then Nightwing, now current Batman, son of circus trapeze artists "The Flying Graysons". I'm not the biggest Kubert fan in the world, but I have to admit I dig the perspective of this image, looks good with Batman almost reaching off the cover as his parents attempt to drag him down into the grave with them.

3. Blackest Night #5 variant cover by Rodolfo Migliari - Have to come clean here, I'm not very familiar with this artist, aside from his Blackest Night variant painted covers, I'm not even sure I've ever seen any of his work. These were great though, with this particular one obviously being my favorite.

2. Batman Gotham Knights #29 by Brian Bolland - Simply put, Brian Bolland is a genius. There's no other word to describe his artistic talent. He primarily does covers now, but you'll of course remember him from The Killing Joke. He can draw anything, his Batman is very nice, but it's his Joker that really isn't to be fucked with. You ask me who draws the quintessential Joker, and I'll say Brian Bolland every single time. We're not here for Joker though, we're here for zombies, and he can obviously draw those pretty good too.

1. Batman #453 by Mike Mignola - Ah, Mike Mignola, the father of Hellboy, and artist responsible for one of my absolute favorite Batman covers ever printed, zombies or not. This cover has been burned into my brain since the very first time I laid eyes on it in the drug store where I bought my comics as a kid. I love, love, love this cover. I love the hands reaching out of the ground, I love the way the zombies are clawing at Batman, and I love the statue behind them all. I credit Mike Mignola as one of my biggest horror comic influences, going back to way before anybody had ever even heard of Hellboy.

And just for fun, here's this...

Mister Bones' Top 5

Still working my way through Dead Rising 2, and still loving every second of it. One of the best things about the game is Chuck's ability to create new and exciting ways to dismember the walking dead by combining items and weapons using nothing but his imagination and a roll of duct tape. It's every bit as awesome, and often hilarious, as it sounds. While I've nowhere near tried every combo in the game, I've grown quite fond of a few, and if you're thinking I'm going to list my top 5 favorite here, you're right!

Top 5 Dead Rising 2 Weapon Combinations

5. Boomstick - Combines a pitchfork with a shotgun

4. Paddlesaw - Combines chainsaws with a canoe paddle

3.Laser Sword - Combines gems with a flashlight (it's a light saber!)

2. Heliblade - Combines a remote control helicopter with machetes (machetes not pictured)

1. Knife Gloves - Combines boxing gloves with bowie knives (like Wolverine, but cooler!)

Honorable mention to the Port-a-Mower, which is a nod to a classic scene from Braindead, combining a lawnmower with 2x4's, used as a portable, spinning machine of death. Hilarity ensues.

There are lots of other fun things to experiment with, and time spent coming up with new ways to eviscerate zombies is always time well spent. These are my favorites though, anybody else have any?