So Um....

Anybody care to explain to me exactly what the hell I'm looking at here? Seriously, I have no idea...

Friday Night Drive-In

A little late, but I feel like it's ok because first of all it's not like anybody is sitting by their computer at 7 o'clock, anxiously awaiting the movie I've picked for the week, and second of all I was destroying  Fleming and bringin ig the pain to an army of demons as Garcia Fucking Hotspur, thus fulfilling my promise that I would complete Shadows of the Damned before 2012 arrived. That game was the shit....

Anyway, when I sat down to find a movie for tonight, I got really excited when I came across this one. I've only ever seen it one time, for whatever reason years ago I was awake at around 2 in the morning and I flipped by Cinemax and a movie named "Mom" was on. I had no intention of watching a movie, but as is usually the case, I got interested in it, and it turned out to be pretty awesome. Well, as awesome as a movie about a guy whose mom is turned into a flesh eating ghoul can be anyway. I had completely forgotten about this movie though! I'm actually gonna watch it tonight too. I also need to check and see if there's a dvd available, would like to add this to the collection. Enjoy "Mom" kids!

Mister Bones' Top 5

The fighting game genre is one that seems to go through brief stints of popularity, then almost completely falls off the map for a while, only to resurface whenever a new entry into an established franchise is released. If any genre has suffered from the death of arcades, it's this one. I've always been a fan of fighters, Karate Champ introduced me to them, but it was the first time I dropped a quarter into a Street Fighter II machine that got me hooked.

I'm sort of a "middle ground" player, I don't study every game I play, don't really break it down to science, but then I'm far from a button-masher too. I despise button-mashers. I tend to find one or two fighters, and focus on them. The rest of the roster on the game I just use to beat up on. That works fine for single player, but when you're playing with friends, it can get boring using the same old fighters, so mixing it up becomes interesting when you're playing characters you've never played before.

Recently, the wonderful people at Xbox made Street Fighter III Online available at half price, lowering it to a mere 600 msp, and I finally lost my resolve and bought it. This makes the 6th time I've purchased this game, by the way. I still have all three Dreamcast versions, as well as the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection on both PS2 and Xbox. I'm a fan. In fact, Street Fighter III is not only probably my favorite fighting game of all time (I go back and forth between it and Capcom vs SNK 2) but it's one of my favorite games, period.

With all that in mind, and based on the fact that I'm currently fixated on Street Fighter again, I thought I'd do a top 5 featuring my favorite fighting game characters of all time. These are the five that if you're playing against me and you see me pick one, you better bring your "A game" because it's going to be a battle.

Top 5 Fighting Game Characters I'll Beat Your Ass With

5. Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) - Yeah, uh-huh...you know what it is....blackandyellow, blackandyellow, blackandyellow, blackandyellow. Remember the first time you saw Mortal Kombat? I do, and it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. There was blood! The characters looked like real people! Holy shit, did that ninja just rip that dude's spine out?! YES. Mortal Kombat has gone through a couple of changes over the years, some worked, some didn't, but the one that that's never changed is that as soon as I play a new MK for the first time, I'm Scorpion all the way. Be prepared for teleportation, fire breath, and of course one of the most famous lines in fighting game history....GET OVER HERE!!! Also be prepared for these words.... Scorpion wins, Fatality.

4. Voldo (Soul Calibur)  - It's absolutely impossible for me to play any Soul Calibur and no immediately go to Voldo. He initially caught my eye because of his looks, like some kind of cross between a gimp and something you'd run into in the hospital in Silent Hill, but it's his quickness, reach, and unorthodox fighting style that makes me love him. He's absolutely lethal regardless of his stance. Facing forward, backward, on the ground, doesn't matter. His weapons put him at a slight disadvantage to some of the other fighters, especially those with long reach weapons like Seigfried, but his speed more than makes up for it. 

3. Hwoarang (Tekken) - In multiplayer fighting amongst friends, I am to this day undefeated with Hwoarang, or as I like to call him, feets of fury. This motherfucker is as deadly as fighters in Tekken come, especially with me behind the controller. He uses a Taekwondo style that mixes plenty of different kicks with quick jabs, and some lethal throws. There is literally no other character in Tekken that comes even close to being able to compete against him. Well, maybe Eddie Gordo, maybe. But he was so cheap that he basically broke Tekken 3 anyway. Anyway, Hwoarang, I pick him and you're done.

2. Sagat (Street Fighter) - TIGER GENOCIDE. Those two words should send a chill up the spine of any Street Fighter player. I know they do mine. The single most devastating maneuver to ever grace a fighting game, and I use it mercilessly. Of course there are plenty of Tiger Uppercuts and fireballs leading up the Genocide as well. I actually never cared much for him until SF Alpha 3. I feel like that's when he really came into his own and felt more like a regular character instead of a slightly overpowered sub-boss. I fell in love with him then though, and I've never looked back. Sagat is Ryu's rival both in game, and in my own heart for best SF character overall.

1. Ryu/Ken (Street Fighter) - Probably the most over used characters in the history of fighters, especially Ryu. Ryu is like the Wolverine of fighting games. But just like Wolverine, that doesn't mean he isn't a bad motherfucker. I decided to put them both at #1 because aside from slight differences they are basically the same, and also to keep Street Fighter from completely taking over the top 5. I've been a Ryu guy since the first time I played Street Fighter II. He's my go-to anytime I feel like I'm going up against a player who knows what they're doing, Ken is my second. I can remember living in Atlanta and having matches with my roommate Walt (who is a Ken man) that could only be described as wars. Any time a new Capcom fighter is released you can count on two things, Ryu will be in it and he will be the first character I play with. Hadouken!!!

So there's my top 5 favorite fighting game characters! There are a ton of people that I felt bad leaving off, but I've been playing fighters for over 20 years now, and there's no way I could list them all here. If you've got any favorites that aren't here, feel free to give them a shout-out in the comments section. Any other fighting enthusiasts out there want to throw down? Shoot a friend request to either of the gamertags over there in the sidebar, Lil Bones on XBL or Mister_Bones on PSN. 

Bonus Round!

The newest design from NinjaInk has me once again cursing my boycott of TeeFury. I may not have any respect for the site, but that doesn't mean I don't dig the hell out of the art on the shirt they're printing today. It's funny, this got printed today, and I'm currently in the middle of a rekindled love affair with Street Fighter III. Coincidence? Probably so. Definitely so. Still, uncanny timing on the print. Hadouken!!!

Random Screen Grab

Aquaman

This pretty much makes him the scariest motherfucker on the planet as far as I'm concerned.

Merry Xmas

Peyton or Pamela?

A good friend of mine sent me this picture of her daughter yesterday and I asked if it would be ok to share it. This is Peyton, one of the most adorable little girls on the planet, she's incredibly smart for her age, and clearly has great taste in toys. She also calls me "Biscuit", which I'm totally cool with, and honestly wish a few more of you would start doing. The reason I wanted to post this pic though, aside from the fact that she's playing with a Jason Voorhees doll action figure, is that she's doing it while wearing a knit turtleneck sweater! Just like Pamela, Jason's dear old mother wore. It was the first thing I noticed when I got the picture yesterday. Just epic beyond description.

Way to go, P! You made it into Biscuit's Batcave! Keep playing with that Jason doll action figure.

Friday Night Drive-In

The last entry in my very first Dismember December twisted Holiday movie extravaganza! This is the one I knew I would close the month out with all along. It has quick become one of my favorite Xmas traditions, the annual watching of Santa's Slay on Xmas Eve after the kids have gone to bed and I'm getting everything in the house all ready for the Xmas morning.

Get yourself all full of homicidal holiday spirit by watching Bill Goldberg play a psychotic Santa Claus who is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel and was forced to spend 1000 years delivering toys to children. The time is finally up on the deal though, and Santa's returning to his good old demonic ways. It's holiday fun that never gets old.

"He's scary, yet educational."

Crisis Averted, You're Welcome.

You're welcome Paris and Times Square. Since the day I first deployed in Tehran to look into a possible IED in PLR posession, I have literally given my life (dozens of times) to ensure that it would never be deployed. I've lost friends, I've lost my patience, I've lost my temper, and I came very close to losing another controller. Damn snipers in the mall... But I pushed through, knowing that it was primarily up to me to ensure that the people of this great world could continue to sleep comfortably underneath the blanket of freedom that I have provided since I was old enough to hold a controller and pull the trigger.

Today all that hard work and perseverance finally paid off, both in the form of the thwarting of a nefarious terrorist plot to detonate tactical nukes in two of the world's largest cities, thus saving millions of lives, and more importantly, a 50 point achievement. To say that I'm proud of my achievement would be an understatement. My mission required me to do things that I'm a) not particularly fond of and b) not particularly good at to begin with, even on the easy difficulty setting. Accomplishing these tasks on hard was something that I barely survived in the first place, and never plan to attempt again. That time when me and Campo had Al Bashir in custody inside the mall, and the PLR were flooding in from all three floors and all I had was a sniper rifle? Dude. When that platoon got ambushed while trying to take out the mine field impeding the progress of our convoy and I had to advance on foot alone against a small PLR army to detonate the charges? I had to man the fuck up. And let's not even get into my having to shoot my CO and look like a traitor to keep Solomon from making good on his attempt to nuke Times Square. The CIA was ALL up in my shit.

In the end, it was all worth it though. I saved the world, again, and in the process gained a little gamerscore. I'm sure it won't be long before my next assignment comes across my console, it's looking like I may have to wear some sort of weird Nanosuit and defend against an alien invasion or something. I can't really get into particulars here just yet, as all I have is hearsay and speculation based on what I've read from the back of the case. Today though, today I'm just going to relax and maybe watch a little hockey, taking solace in the fact that all of you fine people were allowed to continue on with your meager existences thanks in large part to ME. You're welcome.

Infinite Playlist - Merry Xmas

Dark Knight Rises trailer!

Random Screen Grab

There he goes...homeboy fucked a Martian once...

Hey, hey...that's the HOLY fuckin Bible, son.

Goodbyeee Hooorseeesss...

Love that Joker

Friday Night Drive-In

It just wouldn't be Dismember December without a little Gary Busey insanity infused for good measure. This time around he plays a homicidal gingerbread man, complete with all the lunacy, and mediocrity, we've all come to know and love from Charles Band and Full Moon Entertainment.

When convicted killer Millard Findlemeyer is put to death, his mother decides to get revenge on the family who testified against him. She takes his ashes and leaves them outside the bakery owned by the family, where they eventually end up inside the cookie dough, spawning a foul-mouthed gingerbread man who goes on a killing spree inside the bakery. It sounds stupid because it is. But then, what the fuck else were you doing to do tonight?

"It sure ain't the Pillsbury fucking Doughboy!"

Infinite Playlist - New Solace Lost!

Just when you thought I was done pimping out my friends' band because I hadn't mentioned them in a little bit, I'm back with some all new Solace Lost for that ass! They dropped not one, but TWO new songs on the internet yesterday, for your unsuspecting ears to feast upon. These songs are guaranteed to melt not only your face, but the rest of you too. I'm talking like the T-1000 at the end of Terminator 2 kinda melting. You've been warned. Check out Hindsight 20-20 and a kickass cover of Sunglasses at Night, both from the forthcoming new album.

As always, if you would like to get in contact with anyone from the band, say for instance you're a record label big shot or something, or maybe you're just a groupie who wants to show some love or something, just drop me an email and I can hook that up for ya. Also, if you like what you hear, and haven't taken my numerous recommendations on grabbing their first album, give it a listen over there in the sidebar and contact me on how you can download a free copy of your very own.

Why Won't You Die...Trent?

Seriously, what the fuck is it with guys in movies named Trent? Must they all be douchebags? Another Friday the 13th film (sorta) and yet another Trent that's just begging to end up on the business end of a machete. This time though, it's personal.

I've made no secret of the fact that I harbor just a little bit of a crush on miss Katharine Isabelle. I have since Ginger Snaps. Well, good old high school jock dickhead Trent here just happens to be her abusive boyfriend in Freddy vs Jason. He's nothing but a dick to her from the moment he crashes the party at Lori's house with his 12 pack of cheap beer. It even continues after they make a retreat upstairs to the bedroom to get it on. It's here the he meets his demise, courtesy of Jason's aforementioned machete, but not even death can stop this fucker. He appears one more time, during Gibb's dream sequence at the rave and ultimately leads to her getting stabbed through the chest. He got Katharine Isabelle killed! This motherfucker is done.

As stated he does die, and it's a quite satisfyingly painful looking demise, but fuck if he doesn't show back up. If ever anybody deserved to die twice, it's this guy. Unfortunately, we only get the one time though, and I always enjoy watching as Jason repeatedly stabs him through his back with the machete before folding the mattress in half, with Trent along with it. I can only hope it was as painful as it looked. Go to hell Trent, and take your cheap beer with you!

Infinite Playlist - Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck

Nobody does it better than Prong!

Behind the Scenes of American Mary

The first behind the scenes video from American Mary has hit the internet! You'll of course remember that Mary is the follow-up to Dead Hooker in a Trunk from the Twisted Twins, Jen and Sylvia Soska. I say you'll remember it because I've gone on and on...and on, and on about that movie and the twins since they offered to send me a screener copy of the Hooker and I fell in love with it. American Mary looks to be even better, and as previously reported will star Katharine Isabelle of Ginger Snaps fame, as Mary.

The Province recently did a piece on the Soska's about the flick, and their success in the horror business, and you can read that article here, and be sure to check out the video below. My expectations for American Mary are off the charts, based on the cast and how much I loved Dead Hooker in a Trunk. I have every confidence that Jen and Sylvia will deliver the goods, and give us horror geeks something else to worship. Can't wait!

Full Megatron Jacket

I've always been a Decepticon man, always will be. In fact, if Optimus Prime would go ahead and switch sides, I would say obliterate the Autobots altogether. Hail Ript for printing this shirt, and more importantly...All Hail Megatron!!!

Hunter's on Zoey!

Check out the teaser for the upcoming Left 4 Dead fan film from Airsoft GI, it's zombie-riffic...

Friday Night Drive-In

The movie that did for Xmas what Halloween did for...well, Halloween. Another tale of a psycho Santa continues Dismember December at the Drive-In! When Harry walks down the stairs on Xmas Eve and spots Santa and Mommy doing more than just kissing, he's scarred for life. He forms an obsession with jolly old Saint Nick, and even becomes a toy maker himself. Eventually, the lack of Xmas Spirit he sees everywhere leads him to snap and go on a killing spree.

This one's not my favorite holiday horror flick, in fact I think I've only seen it maybe two or three times. Still, it's worth a watch at least once. I kinda wish the kills were holiday themed, but this movie has a sense of humor that makes up for the lack of a body count or inventive kills. I can't help but laugh at the ending. Enjoy "You Better Watch Out" also known as "Christmas Evil".

Random Screen Grab

The Riddler's Costume is Weird

What if Jaws was a Disney Movie?

Shark Song from Whitehouse Content on Vimeo.

Rare Exports

For whatever reason, I've always been a sucker for holiday flicks that operate outside of the norm. I'm willing to be that if you read my blog on a regular basis, you are as well. Whether it be the horror route, or just something that adds a little twist to the usual holiday proceedings, this time of year I can't get enough. I had Rare Exports recommended to me a while ago, and I finally sat down and watched it this morning.

After an archaeological dig at the top of Finland's Korvatunturi Mountain on Xmas Eve unearth's the burial place of the real Santa Claus, the workers disappear, and shortly thereafter other strange occurrences around the small town surrounding the mountain begin. Potato sacks, the radiator from every home, hair dryers, ovens, and even all the children begin to disappear. As the last child left in town, Pietari must convince his father that the real Santa has been found, and his Elves are the ones behind the strange happenings. They must be stopped before they can free Santa from his icy tomb.

I tell ya, this one took a while to get going. I was interested enough to keep watching, but it almost lost me a couple times. It's a slow burn for sure. Things do pick up though during the last 20 minutes, which are excellent. Shame that the movie only has a 75 minute or so run time, and it's over once it starts to get really good. It's not a "horror" movie, per se, more of a suspense/dark comedy with some horror elements I guess. The Elves are the only ones who do any damage, with a couple of axes to the head and the like, but there's not really much in the way of  blood or gore. There's a creepiness to the whole thing, right up until the end, but it never crosses the line into scary. Santa himself we only get to see a little bit through the giant block of ice he'e encased in. I had high hopes that he would be freed, if only for a second, and if you watch it you'll see why I really, really wanted him to get some screen time.

At first I was skeptical, but the ending made me a believer, and Rare Exports has earned itself a spot in my holiday movie rotation. It won't replace Santa's Slay as my go-to Xmas Eve movie though. That's a tradition that I may never let go of. Still, Rare Exports is an easy recommendation for people looking for something a little different this time of year.