Dead Hooker in a Trunk on DVD Today!

Get your copy right here!

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BONUS SECTION!

This time in the bonus section, I give to you what is hands down  the absolute finest delivery of the line "You ever been skull-fucked after an ass-rape?!?!" in the history of cinema by the super talented, all around good guy and friend of mine, Mr. CJ Wallis as Goody Two-Shoes....

The Villain Revealed!

For those who have been keeping up with the events in The Dark Knight, in which someone is causing Bat-villains to Hulk-Out, it was revealed on the last page of issue 4 that the one and only Scarecrow was to blame! I loves me some Scarecrow, in fact he's second only to Joker in my mind when it comes to Bat-villains. Here's what happened in this week's latest issue...

For those of you keeping score at home, this is like the fifth time that Batman has beaten the crap out of Supes in continuity. Tell me again about how Batman could never beat up Superman? Didn't think so.

All signs point to Scarecrow's latest batch of Fear Toxin being laced with Venom, the juice that gives Bane his super-strength. I'm thinking that even though he hasn't shown up yet, we're looking at a Scarecrow/Bane collabo, but it's still unclear as to who the White Rabbit chick is. Stay tuned for further info as it's released...same Bat-time, same Bat-Blog!

Friday Night Drive-In

Unforeseen circumstances caused me to have to shut down my Drive-In last Friday, but I'm back this week, and  with a bit of a tip of the old cowl to the wonderful Astrovania, I'm bringing Kathy Bates with me! Who doesn't love this movie? Even my mom loves this movie. It's one of those rare instances when horror crosses that boundary where it's only enjoyed by a select few weirdos like us, and magically becomes accepted by the masses. It's the sledgehammer scene, yanno? Joe Public may not like to admit it, but they get off on sadistic shit like that, just like we do.

When a best selling novelist crashes his car in a blizzard, he's rescued by his "number one fan", who just so happens to be completely nuts. She's obsessed with the characters of his novels, and completely flips her shit when she finds out that he plans to kill one of them in his next book.

Cockadoodie Car!!!

New Year's Resolutions

January is already winding down, and in just a couple of weeks I will be yet another year older, still with no idea as to what or where I want to be working toward in my life. I'm not one of these people who have to have this huge, thought-out plan or anything that I'm constantly working toward. In fact, as long as I can go to work every day, come home and spend some time with my kids, play some video games, maybe watch a movie or read a comic book every now and then, I'm a pretty happy camper. That being said, it's still nice to have that feeling of accomplishment that comes along with setting a goal for myself and actually completing it. So I thought, why not do some fairly reasonable new year's resolutions, just a couple of little things that give my life some semblance of a purpose as I go forward into 2012. In no particular order, here they are...

- Finish Grand Theft Auto IV This one I'm taking personal. This goddamn game has been a thorn in my side for far too long. It's not that I don't like it, it's a good game, and I've actually enjoyed Niko's story and would like to finish it. It's the goddamn controls! I obviously don't possess the required ambidexterity that is required to both aim a gun and fire, while at the same time steer a car at high speeds through streets filled with heavy traffic. It's fucking frustrating attempting the same mission over and over and over and over and over....and over again. This is my year though, one way or another I will finish it. And then I will play The Lost and the Damned dlc because I bought it too and have never touched it.

- Draw more If you're keeping up at all, you will likely already realize that I'm well on my way on this one. I just did a Boba Fett for my brother this past weekend, I've done a few more of my stupid custom cd's, and I've got a couple of other things lined up as well that I will be beginning work on soon. It seems like I usually get back into drawing whenever I have something happen that really stresses me out, and I use it as an outlet to occupy my mind when I don't like what's going on in there. Whatever works, right? Plus while I don't ever think I'm going to be good enough to attempt to draw for money, it couldn't hurt to keep practicing and just see what I end up coming up with. I may even surprise myself.

- Get out more When I got married and had kids, going out sort of took a back seat to married life and parenting, as is the norm, or so I thought anyway. Time has told the story on that one, but what the hell, I'm different. Always have been, always will be. Anyway, I haven't been married for 3 years now, yet I'm still kind of living in that mentality. I never do anything, even on the rare occasion that I don't have my kids, I still usually sit at home. I feel like a senior citizen, and I'm only in my 30's. Part of my problem is I'm anti-social, and not because I don't like to be around people, it's because I have trouble finding anybody that I actually want to be around. Again, I'm different. I'm also socially retarded. You get me around people I don't know, and ask me to actually speak, and it's as awkward as watching a baby deer take its first steps. This will undoubtedly be the hardest of my resolutions for me to actually carry out, but as with drawing, I'm already working on this one too. I've got some outings coming up, including my very first trip to New York to visit my brother and meet up with some people that I've known for years online but have never even laid eyes on in person. So I'm pretty excited about where things are going for now. I just have to stay at it.

- Keep on writing I enjoy my stupid little blog, but have never really thought of it as "writing". I just sort talk about things the way I would if you and I were sitting on my couch, only here I'm typing. Late last year I was approached about actually writing something that would end up in a magazine, and I said I would give it a shot, but haven't because I'm a big chicken. This would actually be the second time I've chickened out of something like this, as a couple of years ago I was asked to write movie reviews for a horror website, and didn't feel like I had the ability to actually "review". I still don't. I read movie reviews at other blogs, and think, damn I just watch the movies. I don't have the skill to break them down on levels like this. The interest is there though, and I guess it always has been. I can remember writing little short stories as a kid, and wanting to write comics all through high school. Writing is something that I think I could potentially do, I just have to do it. The biggest problem is my lack of confidence, but then that comes into play in almost every single thing I do in life. I will always be my biggest critic, and as such, also my biggest obstacle to overcome. So don't be surprised to see more posts here this year that are actually honest attempts at writing, and when you do see them, for Christ's sake...be gentle.

- Get out of debt and STAY out I'm actually in way better shape that a lot of people I know, but still I could deal with some extra money every month. This single parenting thing is expensive, and as my babies get older, they're getting more and more expensive. School, Boy Scouts, sports, etc. and that's just for my son, my daughter will also be going into pre-K this year, so I know the added expense is coming and I know I need to be doing a little bit better before that time gets here. What this basically means is that I need to stop paying the minimum on my credit card, and actually get the bastard paid off for good.

- Shape up or ship out I go to the gym almost every day. I watch what I eat, I've cut back on soda, I go outside and play with my kids, and I'm still not happy with my appearance. I honestly don't think I'm every going to be truly satisfied, and that's ok as it just means that I will continue to work at it. I thought I wanted to build up some muscle, so I had been hitting the weights pretty hard, and even started taking protein shakes in the place of one meal a day, breakfast most of the time. That would've been great had it also not caused me to GAIN weight on top of the muscle. I'm thinking I should've done more to balance things out more evenly. It got to the point that I had abandoned any cardio completely, and I was doing weights at the gym then coming home and doing weight here too. I started to look like a bear with the weight I was gaining. So as of this month, I've gone back to just cardio, running, getting on the bike, etc. in the hopes that I can get back down to close to where I was, and then start over on weights, only doing things in moderation and continuing with cardio as well, alternating between the two during the week. And I'm not going to be using any sort of enhancers anymore, I'm gonna give it a shot all natural and see what kind of results I can get strictly from had work. I'll likely just finish the year out old, fat, and really tired. We'll see.

No more t-shirts Jesus Christ at the t-shirts! I have more clothes than your average teenage girl, and when you couple that with that fact that, as I mentioned above, I never go anywhere, well it becomes a little bit ridiculous. It's honestly not even about owning the clothes either, most of the things I buy, I do so because I dig the art. I've got to stop though, as it's becoming a bit of a space issue, in that I simply have no more for clothing. Last weekend I actually had to hang a rod in my utility room because my closet and dressers simply won't hold any more. I could wear a different shirt every day for most of this year without repeating. It's sad, and probably the one obsession I have that makes the least sense. I doubt I'll go cold turkey, and that's largely Fright Rags' fault, but I am going to be more picky when it comes to buying shirts, and I've got to stop looking at those damn daily tee sites.

So that's a few things that I plan on working on this year. It may not sound like much to those of you who are a bit more goal oriented, but life has pretty much beaten things like "hopes and dreams" out of  me at this point. I'm going to settle for making the life I have just a little more enjoyable, work on fixing the things that I actually can right now, and maybe when my kids get a little bit older I can start thinking about maybe going to school myself or what exactly it is I want to be when I grow up, because I still don't know.

Boba Fett

A sketch I did for my brother's new place. He is to Star Wars as I am to Batman, so when he asked for some original art to hang up, of course I went with Star Wars. Decided on Boba Fett because he's one of  my favorite characters, and I had actually never drawn him before. I think it turned out pretty good, especially given that it was actually one of the quickest sketches I've ever done. I started it last Saturday night, and was finished on Sunday morning. I spent around 5 hours grand total on it, and it usually takes me a lot longer to finish anything.

So anyway, here it is, because I had nothing else to post today. He ended up digging it, and I will be personally delivering it to him at the beginning of March, when I'll be taking my first ever trip to the Big Apple. I'm excited and nervous about the trip, but that's another post for another day. But yeah, Boba Fett, hope ya digs it too.

Resident Evil 6 Trailer

Fuck. Yes.

Cold Slither

It's only January, and Nowhere Bad has already decided to go ahead and print the shirt of the year. Cold Slither is a MUST-OWN. If you're missing the reference here, I'm very sad for you, but I'm also here to help! Direct your attention to the video below...

Mid-life Crysis

Being a console gamer, I never got to play Crysis. I read about it, and how you had to have a computer from the distant future to run it, and while on the outside I looked unimpressed and would even go so far as to scoff at the very mention of the Cry Engine, on the inside I was a raging inferno of jealousy. I wanted to play Crysis, I needed to play Crysis, but eventually I made my peace with the fact that I would never play it. I simply have no desire to become a PC gamer, and it had been said a million times over that there was no way a console version could ever be done.

But then Crysis 2 came out, and there were rumors that it was just as awesome as Crysis, if not better, and that a console port was a possibility. I don't think I have to tell you that once again I got caught up in a bit of Crysis fever. However, I was in a bit of a conundrum. See, I have a little problem. I'm a bit of a completist when it comes to franchises, be they movie, video game, or whatever. I can not stand to have a sequel of any kind if I don't have the original. So I held out on Crysis 2, because if I couldn't play Crysis, I was never really going to be able to enjoy it the way I wanted to.

Fast forward a few months, and what should show up on the Xbox Live Marketplace and PSN for $20? Yep, the original Crysis. I'm finally getting to play it. I also went ahead and bought a copy of Crysis 2, which I have laying in wait for when I finish the first one. So far I am loving it. I knew it would be good, but I didn't know it would be this good. It's also absolutely gorgeous and this is almost 5 years after it was originally released. Impressive that a game that old can look just as good, if not better, than some things that are coming out today. I'm still only a couple of hours into it, as I'm juggling play time with a couple of other things, but if it continues to get better I can see myself putting other games on the backburner until I've finished both Crysis games.

I'm pretty close to the midway point of my life, and I'm playing Crysis...I'm having my first mid-life Crysis, and it's every bit as good as I thought it would be.

Super Sloth No. 1

Today on Ript!

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Sinestro

If you having girl problems I feel bad for you, son...

Sinestro got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

Infinite Playlist - Soda in the Water Cup / Girls Don't Lie

It's a double dose of Attila tonight as I induct my two most favorite of their songs into the Infinite Playlist. Enjoy Soda in the Water Cup and Girls Don't Lie...

Friday Night Drive-In

Oh fuck yes, it's Friday the 13th! The very first Friday the 13th since I began my Friday Night Drive-In posts, and I tell you in all honesty, I've been waiting for this shit. I knew exactly what I was posting for it too, the movie that made me not only love Jason, but horror movies period... Jason Lives.

I worship this movie. I love every single thing about it. I've compared every single horror movie I've seen since tot his one, and sure there have been contenders, but none have been able to dethrone the champ. This is movie-making at it's finest as far as I'm concerned. It's a Friday the 13th tradition in my Batcave, the ceremonial watching of a Jason flick, this year I've decided to once again revisit Jason Lives, because I'm just in the mood to watch it again. I highly recommend following my wonderful example and either pulling your dvd off the shelf, or watching the edited for tv version along with Joe Bob Briggs here in the Batcave. Happy Friday the 13th!

"So, what were you gonna be when you grew up?"

GI Jason

A REAL American Slasher! Fright-Rags proves once again that they are THE place to go for horror shirts on the interwebs, no doubt about it. This beautiful piece of nostalgic pop culture cross-pollination almost brought a tear to my eye when I first laid eyes on it. I've been waiting very impatiently for it to become available for order, and tomorrow that glorious day finally arrives. It's a limited edtion, and orders are only going to be taken for three days starting tomorrow, appropriately, Friday the 13th. Hit Fright-Rags here to make sure you don't miss out on this, you know you want it.

I'm definitely in for one, this is a no-brainer. In fact, it's the definition of a no-brainer. While I'm there though, I'm also planning on grabbing one of these glorious American Werewolf in London Rue Morgue cover shirts. I've had my eye on it for a while, and luckily for me, it's currently on sale. It will be mine, oh yes...it will be mine.

Why Won't You Die...Carter?

As if being played by Paul Reiser isn't bad enough, Carter Burke is the absolute epitome of lying, backstabbing, greedy corporate scum. Sure, it probably wasn't his idea to double-cross Ripley and an entire platoon of space marines, whom he had duped into believing his intention for returning to LV-426 was to investigate what happened to the colony there which had gone silent, when in actuality he was ordered to catch a Xenomorph alive and bring it back with him. But even if all he was doing was carrying out orders from the higher-ups, he didn't have to be such a little bitch about it.

When the plan starts looking like it's not going to work, this douche even goes so far as to release a face-hugger in Ripley and Newt's sleeping quarters while they're catching some z's. Not cool man. As if that wasn't bad enough, even though he'd basically gotten almost everyone involved killed, he probably still would've survived if not for the fact that he was such a pussy. When the marines realize what he was up to, before they can administer the ass-whipping of a lifetime, there's a Xenomorph attack, during which bitch-boy Carter makes an exit through the back door, locking it behind him and trapping the marines, Newt, and Ripley inside with the aliens. Thankfully, as he turns around he's greeted with the business end of a Xenomorph tongue, and the red stuff splatters against the door he thought he was escaping from. Poetic justice if I've ever heard it. Let's all hope this bitch is french kissing Xenomorphs in Hell.

Zombie Star Wars

I've been asked to do some original Star Wars art, so I started looking through some images on Google for inspiration and found some really cool stuff. I'm sure most of it is probably old, and has likely been seen by everyone on the internet except me, but I thought I'd post some of my favorites anyway. Side note, I'd buy every single one of these on a t-shirt, especially the zombie Wookie.

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Friday Night Drive-In

If this is the first introduction you've had to tonight's Drive-In movie, then you've been deprived of one of the true classics of the horror genre. I'm sure if you're reading this, then George Romero's Day of the Dead needs absolutely no introduction. It's considered by many (myself included) to be the best of his original "Of the Dead" trilogy. I love everything about this movie, the characters, the plot, the setting, and especially the effects. My God, the effects. I would put this movie up against anything being done today, and watch it win by a landslide.

It's a bit of an oldie though, originally releasing in 1985, and I'm sure almost everybody has seen it a milllion times...but maybe it's been a while since the last time you revisited it, or maybe you can just never get enough of it like me, and if one of those be the case, then by all means enjoy it again at my Drive-In tonight. I plan to do the same.

"I'm running this monkey farm now Frankenstein!"

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Nowhere Bad has knocked another one out of the park! This shirt is devastating , and I simply must have it. It will go on sale tomorrow for $12 and will only be up for four days. So if you want one too, don't be a slacker!

Speaking of slackering, I still haven't read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, or Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. I need to fix that soon. I may start them as soon as I finish the Strain trilogy. So look out, 2015! Ima read me some books!

Infinite Playlist - First Solace Lost Pimping of 2012!

Just when you thought it was safe to read one of my infinite playlist posts again...Solace Lost once again returns to melt your face and drop elbows on your ear drums off the top turnbuckle Randy Savage style! I don't have anything new to post that I haven't already done before, but they're playing again this Saturday at the Masquerade in Atlanta and it's kind of a big deal, for a couple reasons. The first being, they will be playing new material that even I've never heard before, so I'm psyched for that big time. The second is I will be accompanied by my son, who will be attending his first ever concert. He's never expressed any interest in seeing a band play before, but out of the blue in my truck a few weeks ago he asked if he could go see the "Sunglasses at Night" band, as he apparently loves their cover of that song.

It's also good to do this being that I've picked up a few new followers lately thanks largely in part to my having created a facebook page for the old blog here, which my blogger buddy Robocop's Sad Side kindly pimped at his own page. You should probably go ahead and "like" both of our pages, as they're awesome. Anyway, you new guys, this is my friend's band Solace Lost and they're super neat. Below is some of the new material they will be playing at the Masquerade this Saturday, Jan 7th. , so be sure and check it out. There will also be 7 other bands playing with them, and I'm sure they will probably rock harder than Dwayne Johnson too. As always, if you like what you hear and would like to know more about the band, you can find them on Facebook as well as a number of other places online, or you could always just contact me.

I. Set. The. Earth. On. Fi-YURR.

Of course I love all their stuff, but I fucking worship "Rise From Ashes". Deeevvvilll Hoooorrrnnsss!!!

The Innkeepers

I might as well start this off by stating the fact that I'm a Ti West fan. I dig the guy's movies, even Cabin Fever 2 which for some reason even he doesn't give much credit to. The Roost and House of the Devil though, I loved. So I had been looking forward to The Innkeepers for a good while, and was hoping I would get to catch it in a theater somewhere last year. Unfortunately I wasn't able to, and I was forced to wait for the VOD release, which came this past Friday. Here we are on Monday, and I've finally gotten to see it. Was it everything I hoped it would be? Was it what I expected? No, not really. Does that mean I didn't enjoy the hell out of it? No, not at all.

The Innkeepers is the story of two hotel attendants, Claire and Luke, who work at the fabled Yankee Peddler Inn, which is said to be haunted by the spirit of Madeline O'Malley. Madeline was a bride who returned to the Inn after being stood up at the altar on her wedding day and hung herself in her room. Every since, guests have reported seeing her spirit still roaming the halls, searching for her lost love. In the present, the Peddler has seen better days, and is scheduled to close it's doors for good. Claire and Luke are working it's final weekend of operation alone, with only two guests checked in. Luke is into the whole paranormal aspect of the place, he has a web page dedicated to the activity that's said to happen there and he has a sound recording device that he brings with him, convinced that he can capture evidence that Madeline still resides at the Inn. Fueled by the boredom of the place being mostly empty and quiet, and a little beer, they decide to try and make contact, and prove once and for all that the Yankee Peddler Inn is haunted. Unfortunately for them, they succeed.

Let's go ahead and get this out of the way, The Innkeepers is a Ti West movie. It's what is known on the internet as a "slow burn" (ugh, I hate that term), but should come as no surprise if you've seen any of his other films. It's pretty much what he's known for. The thing is, Sarah Paxton (Claire) and Pat Healey (Luke) turn in such fantastic performances that you won't even really notice that it's been on for an hour with nary a hint of an actual ghost. I actually found Claire and Luke to be likable characters, which is rare for me in any movie, especially a horror movie. Being that they are most of the cast, and share the majority of the screen time, how you feel about them will likely make or break the movie for you. I honestly could've watched nothing but the two of them interact together for 100 minutes. Can't say enough good things about Paxton and Healey.

Technically, this movie is fantastic. I loved all the awkward camera pulls and movement. There are plenty of creative shots, almost all of which made even the most mundane act (walking down a hall) somehow seem more interesting, or at least make you think maybe something was lurking just off the screen watching. The Inn itself is beautiful, which again is important because the movie only ventures outside it's doors a couple of times, and then it isn't for very long. The music even managed to impress, effortlessly changing the tone from the light-hearted, often comedic interaction between Luke and Claire, to the "impending doom" sort of tension that I've come to expect from a Ti West movie. Sound effects were just as good, particularly during the evp recording sessions.

Now for the good stuff, the ghosts. I've read plenty of reviews of The Innkeepers, and the results have been split between folks who weren't creeped out at all, and folks who couldn't sleep after watching it. I'm going to be siding with the people who had trouble sleeping on this one, but I'm admittedly a bit biased when it comes to really good ghost movies. The thing is, I psych myself out so much that I'm usually still creeped out long after the movie has ended. In fact, sitting home alone as I type this, I've looked over my shoulder at least a half dozen times, and I promise you I've heard every single noise in this house in the last hour since the credits rolled. It took it a while to get there, but after the first time Claire and Luke visited the basement, I was genuinely creeped out. There isn't really much in the way of gore, and as you can imagine being that there are literally 6 characters total in the hotel, there's even less in the way of a body count, but it's a ghost flick, so that's to be expected. The ghosts themselves look great though, particularly Madeline, still in her wedding dress and veil.

Like House of the Devil, The Innkeepers may not be for everybody, but it definitely gets my seal of approval. I doubt it will change the mind of any of the Ti West haters out there, but if you like his method of filmmaking, you will most likely enjoy it. I would also think Insidious fans, particularly those who enjoyed the first hour of that one, will find plenty to like here. Me? I liked Insidious, but loved The Innkeepers. If this is any indication as to what my 2012 will be like movie-wise, then holy shit it's going to be the best year ever.