Sunday, June 3, 2012

Piranha 3DD

The problem with a movie like this is having yourself a few good blog buddies, it gets hard to say anything that hasn't already been said. With that in mind, Piranha 3DD hit VOD this weekend, and most of us got our first chance to see it, myself included. I will be doing nothing except continuing the singing of it's praises here, I was promised blood, boobs, and a hell of a good time, and that's exactly what I got. I am clueless as to where all the negativity surrounding this movie is coming from, it's a movie about prehistoric piranha eating mostly naked people at a water park...were you expecting it to be the next Schindler's List? Lighten up, folks.

After the bloodbath at Lake Victoria the previous summer, the town has become deserted. The next town over has decided to take advantage of this by turning it's newly opening water park into an sexually themed oasis, complete with stripper lifeguards and a separate "adult pool" where clothing is entirely optional. Meanwhile, a whole new swarm of piranha hatches from eggs inside a cow carcass and make their way upstream, looking for a bite to eat.

Fun, period. That's all it felt to me like Piranha 3DD set out to be. There are plenty of cameos, including a completely bat-shit insane Christopher Lloyd, they guy who re-wrote the book on bat-shit insane Gary Busey himself, Ving Rhames reprises his role from Aja's Piranha 3D, and David Hasselhoff in what will go down in history as the first role he's played since Knight Rider that I didn't hate. I don't think there was any way that 3DD was going to be able to match the gloriously gory massacre at the end of the first film, but that's not to say this one isn't gory as well, it is. The gore is just a bit more over the top and silly in this one, there were several times I literally said "Oh my God" out loud, followed by lots of laughter. The nudity this time around is plentiful, as it was with previous one, but as classless as it was then, it seems to be even more so in 3DD. I'm not complaining, just saying that whereas the first time I actually felt like I was watching college kids on spring break getting nekkid, this one made me feel like I was sitting in a dark, smoke-filled strip club getting a lap dance from a coked-out stripper with huge fake boobs....not that I know what that feels like or anything....ahem. To summarize, this is every bit a John Gulager film.

My one complaint was that it was too short, with a run time that just barely hits the 70 minute mark for the actual movie, although the credits more than make-up for it. Trust me, watch the credits. Piranha 3DD pulls no punches, it makes no apologies, it simply is what it is, a slightly trashier sequel to a wonderfully trashy remake of a trashy horror flick from the 70's. It's sleazy, bloody, ridiculous, and a shit ton of fun. I can't imagine why if you know all that going in, you come away from this disappointed, I certainly didn't.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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