Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Mister Bones' Top 5

Well it's been a while since I left you to ponder the best games of 08, and the things that will make Dead Rising 2 the best game ever, so I've returned as promised to give you the top 5 worst games that everybody else loved of 2008. Now before I get into this, these aren't going to be bad games, not by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, they're all very good games, I wouldn't have bought them otherwise. They just aren't as good as the rest of the world made them out to be. So without further ado...

Top 5 Worst Games that Everybody Else Loved of 2008

5. Grand Theft Auto IV - I type this knowing full well that I'll get a lot of flack for it, but while this is definitely a great game, it's not the bees knees. The best thing it had going for it was the story, which I kinda dug. It was far better than GTA III, Vice City, and San Andreas in that regard. It also had a more mature tone to it, much less juvenile, which I appreciated. What I didn't appreciate however, were the same old things. The controls, seriously why hasn't Rockstar gotten good at this yet? I hate the controls in this game, specifically the gunplay and car handling, and being that this is a GTA game...well that pretty much ruins it. I still say that even with it's other problems, the main thing Saint's Row has going for it is the controls.

4. Fallout 3 - Everything you read about this one is true, it's like Oblivion set in a post-apocalyptic Washinton D.C., and it has guns! But the thing they left out unfortunately is, playing it is like watching paint dry! I swear guys, I have to literally sit there and fight sleep every time I play this game. There's just too damn much walking around doing nothing. Even more than there was in Oblivion! And the guns are all just plain boring, and it's not like you even get to really use them as all it takes to win most battles is using VATS to blow your enemy's head off. I don't know, for everything this game has going for it, I was extremely let down that I was bored constantly.

3. Madden 09 - Everybody remember when they played this one the first time when it was called Madden 07? How long is it going to take EA to get it right this gen? I know there's no way in hell they would allow it, but why not let Tiburon take a year off and really give us a great next gen football title? Does EA really need more money? Silly Bones, of course they do. Well they're not getting any more of mine until they fix Madden.

2. Far Cry 2 - Open-ended FPS? Dude! This game should've been right up my alley. It's almost like the developers didn't want me to like this game. There I was running along, everything going fine, I'm digging the game and what's this?! I have malaria? My screen is getting all blurry and it's going dark? WTF? So I have to go find this guy and get some medicine which I will have to make sure I have at all times, otherwise I won't be able to see shit? Well, ok...wait what's that up ahead? Another guard post! Time to start blasting!! Wha?! My gun is jammed? OH SHIT IT BROKE!!! I've only got this bitch ass pistol now! OH N...I'm dead. Fuck this game.

1. Ninja Gaiden II - How the hell did the sequel to one of my absolute favorite Xbox titles turn out so bad? Maybe because it was like the exact same game I played back on the old box? I mean, yeah if it ain't broke, don't fix it, I get that, but this is literally the same shit I've already played. There are a couple of new weapons, and I can hack off limbs now but those are minor improvements and don't really bring much to the game. All of the old problems are here, including the extremely annoying camera, but the difficulty has been toned down. Yeah, I'm here to say that if the first Ninja Gaiden was too hard for you, then maybe you might want to consider picking yourself up a Wii to play Cooking Mama or something. Seriously, the game really wasn't that hard. I only remember having trouble with a couple of places, and nothing held me up for more than a day. And you all know, I'm not exactly WCG material. Time to go back to the drawing board Team Ninja!

And that's my list. Like I said, all good games, all of which had things about them I liked, but they also had things that irked me. I'm still plowing through GTA and Fallout, but the others I will likely never put back in their respective consoles.

So far 2009 has been pretty good to me gaming-wise. I'm mostly happy with all of my choices so far, but it's early and there's plenty of time left for me to be disappointed! Keep those chins up developers, there's hope yet.

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