Mister Bones' Top 5

Stanley Cup playoff fever is running rampant! Of course I'm no longer interested as the goddamn Penguins have eliminated my Flyers as previously reported. Still, that doesn't change the fact that hockey is the greatest sport known to man, and my Top 5 this time will highlight the single greatest position in all of sportsdom, hockey goalie.

Keep in mind that I've only been watching hockey since around 1993, so this won't technically be a "greatest of all-time" list by a hockey analyst's standards, just the 5 greatest since I began following the NHL.

Mister Bones' Top 5 Goalies

5. Dominik Hasek - The Dominator made life miserable for anybody playing Buffalo back in the day, and is the main reason I own a Buffalo Sabres jersey. He has an unorthodox style that's fun to watch, and few people can make that "cage" mask look awesome, but he does it. He would eventually play for the Red Wings, and win a couple of Stanley Cups, and again would be the primary reason I own a Red Wings jersey as well.

4. Patrick Roy - I would undoubtedly get shit from my brother for having Patty so far down the list, and up until recently he held almost every major goal tending record in the NHL so dude's obviously one of, if not the greatest. He was always amazing to watch, and dude straight up made the butterfly style his bitch. I still say there will never be a better butterfly style goalie. He was with Montreal when I first started watching, but he would end his career with the Colorado Avalanche, and would bring Lord Stanley's cup there before retiring.

3. Martin Brodeur - What can I say, I absolutely despise the New Jersey Devils. Always have, always will. But I can't help but pull for Marty. There's not a better lock-down goal tender playing hockey today. On top of his talent, he's also a class act, I've never seen him play dirty even when the rest of the Devils' roster was blatantly doing so. I also love the fact that he's been the Devils' starting net minder since my hockey career began. That is almost unheard of in sports today. He recently broke Patrick Roy's all-time wins record, and has hoisted Stanley's Cup three times.

2. Ron Hextall - Hands down, my absolute favorite Flyers goalie ever. Ron was a BEAST. Dude holds the single season record for penalty minutes for a goal tender in a single season, and that alone makes him awesome. He was also one of those guys who would regularly leave the crease to play the puck with his stick, which was nerve-wracking to watch but also so ballsy that you couldn't help but laugh. Of course what he's probably best known for is his being the first NHL goal tender to ever score a goal by sending the puck all the way down the ice and into the opposing team's net after their goalie had been pulled. Philly hasn't had decent goal tending since he left.

1. Curtis "Cujo" Joseph - Not only my favorite goalie, but my all-time favorite player. Cujo was never one of those lock-down kinda guys, he would always let a few past. It was the way he played that made him great to me though, he's this little scrappy guy who moves around the crease like lightning, and whenever he would face a shot, he would stop at nothing to get a piece of the puck. Arms flying, stick flying, legs flailing, I attribute watching him play goal to what watching Wolverine in a berserker fury probably looks like. The greatest Cujo moment for me came during the playoffs in somewhere around 94-95 I guess, when he was with the Toronto Maple Leafs. There was a goal, but Cujo felt like he'd been interfered with, so he immediately jumped up and down, dropped his gloves and skated over to the linesman, grabbed him, and threw him to the ice pleading his case the entire time. I just stared at my tv like "this guy's fucking insane", and he's been my favorite player ever since.

And there ya go, the greatest goalies from the "coolest game on Earth" (ugh).

Somebody's listening!

Everybody remember my "Top 5 Things I Want to see in Dead Rising 2" post? See how many you can spot in the first trailer! The announcement was also officially made regarding multiplayer today though no details on modes was given. Co-op ftw!

Infinite Playlist - Hold on 2 Me

Yep I'm back again, and on Jamie Madrox's nuts again. What can I say, the dude simply kills every track he's on. This one was on the "End of Days" EP that you could only pick up on the tour. It's also another Madrox/Boondox collabo, you'll undoubtedly remember the fist IP post for their other song, Death of a Hater.

I can't get enough of this song right now, not only does Madrox own this song, but I'm genuinely impressed by Boondox, and I'm normally not. I like him, but I don't love him. He really flows on this song though, it's by far the best I've ever heard from him. So check it out, Hold on 2 Me, more Twiztid, enjoy!

Another Disappointing Season

Well it's official, my Flyers are out of the playoffs. Again. Defeated by the rival Pittsburgh Penguins. Again. Today's game was especially aggravating as early in the second period we were up 3-0, had everything going our way and all of a sudden there was a fight, and the entire fucking game just changed. I don't have a clue how it happened, but after the brawl it was like watching a different team. Play was sloppy at both ends of the ice, we took several STUPID penalties, and started committing turnovers like crazy. The Pens would go on to score 5 un-answered including the empty netter that was the final nail in our coffin.

You would think that over the years I would've grown accustomed to this disappointment as the Flyers haven't made it past the Eastern Conference Finals since, oh I don't know, 1978 or so. But I fall for it every single year, I get all wrapped up in the playoffs, Philly is always in it, always. I think they've missed the playoffs once since I started watching hockey and that was in 06. I honestly don't know which would is worse, being a Flyers fan and watching them lose it at the end every year, or being a Thrashers fan and watching them lose all year long.

But oh well, I guess there's always next year. I just hope the powers that be take this off-season and make some necessary line-up changes beginning with goal tending. We could also use another goal scorer or two, being that it's hard to win games when you're only putting up 2 goals on average. Another season, another disappointment. Let's go Fl...ah fuck it.

Rob Zombie's H2

Plants vs Zombies

Or Mister Bones' love for all things zombie vs my hatred of both the "tower defense" genre and all things plant-like in gaming (see the great Shakespearean Pinata tragedy of 2007). Seriously I'm sure I'll be playing this game, it looks like it's going to make absolutely NO sense, which actually earns it points, and it's got zombies. Not just zombies, but zombies in rubber ducky inner tubes who are being attacked by Sunflowers or something. That sentence alone makes it worth playing.

So I'm sure you've all seen it by now, but just in case, here's the music video from Joystiq. There's also a link to download the song in both English and Japanese here.



So we'll see if this one changes my mind about tower defense I guess. If any game was gonna do it, barring any sort of "Batman defending the Batcave from zombies" type of thing, this one would be it. I'm remaining skeptical though.

Fox = FAIL

My local Fox station replaced my beloved daily 5pm Simpsons re-run with Maruy fucking Povich?! This is fail on a level that I can't even accurately describe. I'll simply say this...

Maury.....

you are NOT the Simpsons!

Fucking Fox man....bastards.

Epic A-Day!

I can't imagine there are too many of you, but for those who either don't love Auburn football, or just didn't know about it, Saturday was the annual A-Day Spring scrimmage game. This year's was especially important, as I had two first-timers riding with me (pictured above).

It was a great day, game was good though I'm left wondering whether our offense is really that good, or our defense has become that bad. Way too many big runs for my liking, but then I'm a defensive minded kinda guy, so I never like to see big plays on our defense. I want to see the defense killing people.

I also had my brother, the infamous G-regg and our old homie, the Big Burlesque himself, Cole with me and they were on a mission to eat the 20 oz. heart attack inducing burger at Cheeburger Cheeburger. This is one of those deals where if you eat the whole thing, they put your picture on the wall and everything. I admit, I was a bit intimidated, but then my eating habits have been screwed up since November so I had no intentions of tackling such a feat.

Gregg and Cole had no such reservations, and went ahead and ordered the monster. When the waitress brought them out, I was totally surprised at how un-impressive they were. These were basically just some Phil Phil burgers, only half the thickness. Seriously I grew up eating two Phil Phil's with some fries on the side every time we fired up the grill. I could've done this thing for a snack between meals before November. I sat and watched the fellas down these "famed" burgers along with baskets of onion rings. The Big Burlesque even took it a step further and downed a peach shake beforehand. So basically for everybody proud of your picture being on the wall at Cheeburger Cheeburger, I have only this to say...pfft.

So Cole and Gregg got their pic, which they opted to take together instead of separate. The waitress also handed them a Sharpie and told them to write whatever they wanted, which I warned her was EXTREMELY dangerous, but the pic ended with only two messages "G-regg and the Big Burlesque" and "Phil Phil makes 'em bigger". It could've been much, much worse.



We would end the evening with a trip to Newnan for some bowling and 9 holes of put put golf under some black lights in honor of The T's 30th birthday. All in all, it was another epic Saturday (which I've been having a lot of lately). Being that this all came on the heels of the Twiztid outing, I'm exhausted, need sleep, but it was so worth it and I'd do it all again next week if I could.

W.I.C.K.E.D.: the Aftermath

Short and sweet as I'm completely beat down right now. The show was off the chain, as usual. Didn't much care for Prozak or Potluck, but Boondox and Twiztid tore the roof off the Masquerade as expected. Honestly though, I was a little disappointed that Twiztid didn't play some of their older stuff, some of which they'd played at every single concert of theirs that I'd attended. Still, the tour was for W.I.C.K.E.D. and they played pretty much the entire album, so I can't be too mad at them.

And now for pics! I won't bother captioning, you guys can just guess which one's me.

Infinite Playlist - W.I.C.K.E.D. Edition

Normally I don't like to hit you guys with Infinite Playlist posts this close together. I like to give you time to savor each selection, taking ample time to reflect on the musical genius therein. However, this week marks a very special occasion as not only am I attending my first concert since Ozzfest 06, but I will be getting to see Jamie Madrox and the Monoxide Child, the duo collectively known as Twiztid, for the first time in way too damn long.

I've seen these guys live more than any other act by far, and they get better every time. This particular tour that brings them to the fabled Masquerade in Atlanta is for their new album, W.I.C.K.E.D. So in honor of my trip to Atlanta tomorrow, I've decided to embed the whole fucking album for your enjoyment. Now, of course there are some tracks that probably wouldn't normally meet the "Infinite Playlist" criteria, but even Twiztid's bad songs are better than most people's great songs.

I highly recommend Buckets of Blood, All of the Above, Whoop Whoop, That's Wicked, They Told Me, and my very own personal favorite When I Get to Hell. Pay particular attention to Madrox's verse about Marilyn Monroe in When I Get to Hell, it's fantastic.

Enjoy, and I should be back on Thursday or Friday with pics of the show, as well as the after party. Until then...

Twiztid - W.I.C.K.E.D.

Do It Yourself!

Normally we don't do arts and crafts here in the Batcave. Sure, sometimes I like to make things, or add a little something to an already existing product to make it super awesome or something, but rarely do I discuss these things here.

However, in an attempt to get caught up in the Twilight mania sweeping Hot Topic's around the country, I've decided to share with all my dear readers my super-easy, fun method for creating your very own Twilight vampire!

Step 1.

Get yourself an emo kid. This is undoubtedly the most important step, as without one of these all you end up with is a mess. You can find these around high schools and college campuses all around the country. You might also try a local non-chain coffee shop or book store. Of course if all else fails, Hot Topic is almost always a safe bet, but you might have a hard time choosing just one. Tight fitting black clothing is preferred, and a pasty white complexion is a must.

Step 2.

Glue, lots and lots of glue. Completely cover your emo kid with the stuff. Stay away from sensitive areas such as the nose, mouth, and eyes unless you're both extremely concerned with undead authenticity and a master of necromancy. While most glues will suffice, I recommend something like model airplane glue or super glue. Stay away from wood glue and paste, and under no circumstance should you ever substitute any sort of tape or other adhering products.

Step 3.

Apply a generous coating of glitter. For best results, be sure to add the glitter before the glue completely dries. Don't worry about any that hits the floor, simply sweep it up and re-apply. Also feel free to add more glue to areas that are looking less glittery than others. You want him to absolutely sparkle when the sunlight hits him.

And that's all there is to it. When you finish, you should have something that looks close to this:


Well this was more fun than I thought! Maybe I should do more of these DIY posts, I can make all kids of stuff from everyday, around the house materials. I suppose next time I could show you guys how to make a Bronadian.

Happy Easter from...

See kids, fiction can be fun!

Problem solver...

Everybody seen this stuff with the Somali pirates? I can totally fix this with 3 little words...

Yo JOE Motherfuckers!

And that's game over, people. Knowing is half the battle, the other half is Shipwreck straight up wrecking your shit cuz that's just how he rolls.

Mister Bones' Top 5

Well it's been a while since I left you to ponder the best games of 08, and the things that will make Dead Rising 2 the best game ever, so I've returned as promised to give you the top 5 worst games that everybody else loved of 2008. Now before I get into this, these aren't going to be bad games, not by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, they're all very good games, I wouldn't have bought them otherwise. They just aren't as good as the rest of the world made them out to be. So without further ado...

Top 5 Worst Games that Everybody Else Loved of 2008

5. Grand Theft Auto IV - I type this knowing full well that I'll get a lot of flack for it, but while this is definitely a great game, it's not the bees knees. The best thing it had going for it was the story, which I kinda dug. It was far better than GTA III, Vice City, and San Andreas in that regard. It also had a more mature tone to it, much less juvenile, which I appreciated. What I didn't appreciate however, were the same old things. The controls, seriously why hasn't Rockstar gotten good at this yet? I hate the controls in this game, specifically the gunplay and car handling, and being that this is a GTA game...well that pretty much ruins it. I still say that even with it's other problems, the main thing Saint's Row has going for it is the controls.

4. Fallout 3 - Everything you read about this one is true, it's like Oblivion set in a post-apocalyptic Washinton D.C., and it has guns! But the thing they left out unfortunately is, playing it is like watching paint dry! I swear guys, I have to literally sit there and fight sleep every time I play this game. There's just too damn much walking around doing nothing. Even more than there was in Oblivion! And the guns are all just plain boring, and it's not like you even get to really use them as all it takes to win most battles is using VATS to blow your enemy's head off. I don't know, for everything this game has going for it, I was extremely let down that I was bored constantly.

3. Madden 09 - Everybody remember when they played this one the first time when it was called Madden 07? How long is it going to take EA to get it right this gen? I know there's no way in hell they would allow it, but why not let Tiburon take a year off and really give us a great next gen football title? Does EA really need more money? Silly Bones, of course they do. Well they're not getting any more of mine until they fix Madden.

2. Far Cry 2 - Open-ended FPS? Dude! This game should've been right up my alley. It's almost like the developers didn't want me to like this game. There I was running along, everything going fine, I'm digging the game and what's this?! I have malaria? My screen is getting all blurry and it's going dark? WTF? So I have to go find this guy and get some medicine which I will have to make sure I have at all times, otherwise I won't be able to see shit? Well, ok...wait what's that up ahead? Another guard post! Time to start blasting!! Wha?! My gun is jammed? OH SHIT IT BROKE!!! I've only got this bitch ass pistol now! OH N...I'm dead. Fuck this game.

1. Ninja Gaiden II - How the hell did the sequel to one of my absolute favorite Xbox titles turn out so bad? Maybe because it was like the exact same game I played back on the old box? I mean, yeah if it ain't broke, don't fix it, I get that, but this is literally the same shit I've already played. There are a couple of new weapons, and I can hack off limbs now but those are minor improvements and don't really bring much to the game. All of the old problems are here, including the extremely annoying camera, but the difficulty has been toned down. Yeah, I'm here to say that if the first Ninja Gaiden was too hard for you, then maybe you might want to consider picking yourself up a Wii to play Cooking Mama or something. Seriously, the game really wasn't that hard. I only remember having trouble with a couple of places, and nothing held me up for more than a day. And you all know, I'm not exactly WCG material. Time to go back to the drawing board Team Ninja!

And that's my list. Like I said, all good games, all of which had things about them I liked, but they also had things that irked me. I'm still plowing through GTA and Fallout, but the others I will likely never put back in their respective consoles.

So far 2009 has been pretty good to me gaming-wise. I'm mostly happy with all of my choices so far, but it's early and there's plenty of time left for me to be disappointed! Keep those chins up developers, there's hope yet.

Infinite Playlist - A Two'Fer!

Ok so apparently I'm not supposed to put the apostrophe in "Two'fer" it's spelled "twofer" but that shit doesn't look right, and being that I'm all about apostrophe's up in here, I'm officially changing the spelling. Anyway, a special he said/she said Tool edition of Infinite Playlist this week! You're excited already, I can tell.



I had this discussion Saturday night with a member of the fairer sex who obviously has impeccable taste in music, and while we agreed on Tool being like the greatest band of all time (other than Mudvayne of course), we weren't in agreement on which song was their best. Now to be fair, no mere mortal could ever be expected to pick a single Tool track as their best ever, but we all have our personal preferences. I ended up not being able to decide between the ones we picked for which would end up on the Infinite Playlist, so I decided to pick both.

First up is her choice, Aenima from the album...wait for it.... Aenima! As a bonus this time, you not only get the track, you get the video as well. By bonus I of course mean that I couldn't find just the song, and as such was forced to embed the vid.


Aenima - Tool

And now for my choice, Eulogy, which is actually from the same album, however does not share the same name as the album. I've probably heard this song somewhere around 37 billion times over the years, and I never get tired of it. The only thing I've done in life more than listen to this song is breathe. In a shocking turn of events, costing Imeem some precious cool points, I was saddended to discover that not only was the song not there, but no video was present either. However I've never let you down in the past, and I'm not about to start now. I've checked Youtube scoured the internet in an effort to bring this song to you, and as usual found success. Once again, who loves ya baby?



And there ya have it, I'll leave it up to you to decide which one of us is closer to being right. It's undoubtedly her.

Wasting Paper

Lately I've been having a bit of free time here and there at work, so I've been doing a little drawing again. Nothing spectacular by any means, but still, at least I'm drawing something. It's been so long since I actually sat down and tried (still owe Binky a Batman sketch) that I'm finding that I'm not very happy with anything I've done. Rust doesn't even begin to describe.

However I did have this idea the other morning, and while the execution might be lacking, the idea I think is a pretty good one. I did a quick sketch, and being that I now have a working scanner again, I thought I would post it up here. I no longer have the original, I gave it away as an early birthday gift, but I did make myself a copy to scan. I give you... "I can has teenagers?"



So yeah, there it is. First thing I've drawn in months. Anyway, I'm thinking I might just keep posting stuff as I finish them, so welcome to the inaugural "wasting paper" post!

By the by, last night was absolutely fucking awesome. Again, I took my camera, and again I have no pictures to share. However I am happy to report that there were no explosions, or casualties, and only one near-miss incident with a roman candle. All other details must unfortunately remain under wraps for the moment, but trust me when I tell you the evening was full of win.

Bonfire today!

I don't get out much, most of you know that already. I live a fairly simple life, with an extremely monotonous routine. I wake up, go to work, come home and play Mr. Mom for a few hours, shower, go to bed, then repeat. It's not that I don't want to do things, it's just that it's such a hassle to make arrangements for some form of supervision for the kids, and I have to be at work so early in the morning that I would have to be home before much fun could be had anyway.



There are people at work who constantly try to talk me into doing things, however these people are much younger and have far less children and responsibilities than I do. Plus, they obviously don't hate other people, and I just can't say that I have that in common with them. A social butterfly I am not. I prefer to spend my time with a relatively small, like-minded group of fellow people haters.

However, today I'm throwing caution to the wind! I've lined up a sitter in the form of my children's grandmother, which she is constantly complaining about my not asking her to do, but I know how hard it is to have both of these little monsters all day, I do it ever single Saturday and Sunday and it's not a task that I would wish on most people, let alone a loved one. But she asked for it! And today marks a special occasion as people that I don't actually hate have asked me to do something that I actually want to do.

Yep, it's time for another bonfire at Gene's house. These are the type of occasions I would skip work for, and I don't skip work for much being that I enjoy things like electricity, food, water, etc. I'll be leaving the friendly confines of Valley, AL and heading back to my old stomping grounds in Villa Rica, GA for an evening of fire, food, drink and merriment with my old roommates, my brother, and a few other special guests.

The last time we did this was after Gene's wedding, an evening that would go down in history as one of the most...... interesting ever. Okay, there we were, enjoying our drinks of preference, telling the same old stories that we've told a million times over, yet laughing just as hard this time as we did the first, when Gene decided that the fire could use a little more fuel. The most effective form of fuel for stoking a bonfire? Gasoline of course! So he stumbles over toward the fire, gas can in hand, and begins to pour. It wouldn't be long before gas can and all would enter the fire, and I tell you no lie, you have never seen a bunch of drunken idiots disperse faster. The view from overhead was probably akin to watching ants scuttering about at a picnic. Luckily no one was harmed. Of course there were other incidents including a possible case of alcohol poisoning, and a mystery condom that would result in one of Gene's comics forever losing it's mylar bag. Of course I was blamed for the comic incident, but to this day proclaim my innocence.

So Bink, if you should happen to look outside your window at any point today and see this:

Send Help!!!

Black Majik

It was brought to my attention yesterday that the 4 people listed in my "Legion of Loyal Followers" box just might not be the only people who stop by here. I can't imagine that to be true, but anything's possible I guess.

So just in case, and being that we've recently opened the doors on our all new Black Majik site, I thought I'd extend an invitation to anyone who may be interested in further exposing themselves to my incessant, pointless rambling to sign up.

The forums are a rockin', so don't bother knockin', just come on in! Or don't, be that way then.

Ever Google Necrophilia?

It's way funnier than you'd think! You get images like this:







Please don't ask why I was Googling necrophilia, I honestly don't know....