Bonesys - Comics and Music

Gonna go a little faster today since I think I'm probably the only person who stops by here that reads comics and likes the kind of music that I like. Fewer categories, less rambling, more Bonesys!

First up comics, and the main reason why I'm not going as in depth this year as I normally would. I had to cut my list way down this year, because of my quitting my part time job at the comic store in Auburn. If you look over at my pull list in the sidebar, you'll note than almost half of it is devoted just to the Bat-titles, of which there are MANY. So anything I have to say about comics is pretty much going to be Batman related, which is fine by me, but not exactly what you want to base "comic book awards" around. Hard for me to say that Detective was the best ongoing book last year, when I only read a few ongoing books other than it. Anyway, here are my 2010 Comic Book Bonesys...

Best One Shot or Special

I may only read a handful of regular ongoings now, but that doesn't stop publishers from hitting me with specials and one-shots on a pretty regular basis. Thankfully I don't read much Marvel anymore, or I would've had to either get another job, or dropped my list even more. DC definitely had some good ones, always enjoy the Holiday specials, especially Halloween, and there was even a Xmas Special featuring Orange Lantern Larfleeze that I quite enjoyed this week, but it's the one-shot featuring a team-up of my most favorite paranormal investigators that wins the Bonesy....

Best Original Graphic Novel

Sam Keith's an acquired taste, and most either love him or hate him. I love him. and I loved Arkham Asylum: Madness.

Best Mini-Series

I have a very special place in my heart for Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatteis' old Justice League International run, in fact it's my favorite Justice League Run of all time. Apparently Judd Winick feels the same way I do, and he has been knocking this series out of the park. It is easily the best Justice League comic being published right now, much better than the atrocity that is the regular title by James Robinson and Mark Bagley.

Best New Creative Team

I suppose at this point if you're following me on Twitter that Scotty Snyder and Jock made quite an impression on my with their first issue of Detective Comics, #871. I already gave them the prestigious award for Best Batman Panel of the Year yanno? If the buzz on the internet is any indication, it looks like I'm not the only one excited about these guys taking on the Dark Knight. Looking forward to what I hope will be a lengthy run that we'll all still be talking about like we do the classic Englehart/Rogers run from the late 70's.

Best Writer

This one is the toughest call to make for me. I read a LOT of great comics this year. Sure, most of them were Batman comics, but I still read some other stuff. Robert Kirkman gave me another fantastic year of The Walking Dead, Mike Mignola continues to write things that make me happy with Hellboy, BPRD, and the rest of his little corner of Dark Horse, Scott Snyder came out of nowhere and kicked my ass with American Vampire and the year's best issue of Detective Comics, and Jeff Lemire introduced me to his fantastic writing with a new Vertigo favorite, Sweet Tooth and even managed to somehow get me to buy a comic with Conner "Superboy" Kent in it. But it takes a special talent to make me read about a character that I literally have no interest in whatsoever, that up until this year I assumed everything that could ever be done with him had already been done, and that is so overused that his very appearance literally makes me roll my eyes. I'm talking about Wolverine, and although I never wanted to give him the chance, somehow Jason Aaron made me care about him. He also took Punisher Max back to it's Garth Ennis-y roots, and wrote one hell of a good Ghost Rider mini this year. For his uncanny ability to make me buy Marvel comics, I award this year's Bonesy for Best Writer to fellow Alabama native, Jason Aaron.

Best Artist

Easy, Jock wins.

Best Ongoing Series

Hard to pick just one, but when I sat down and thought about it, there was only one book that I read immediately every Wednesday it came out, one book that I couldn't wait for the next issue every time I finished reading it, Robert Kirkman's The Walking Dead. I have a love affair with this comic like I have never had with any other. If only Kirkman could somehow find a way to put Batman in it, my life would be complete. This is how comics should be done, and it's been that way for going on 80 straight issues now. Side note, if I were doing a television category, Walking Dead would also win a Bonesy for best tv show. Shame on you if you're not reading this book.

There ya go, short and sweet as promised. Now on to the Bonesys for Music, which will be even shorter but probably not quite as sweet...

For me, it's pretty much all metal, all the time. I'm not going to waste your time by pretending to be some sort of a music critic. The fact of the matter is, I hate most of the shit that everybody else loves, and vice versa. Plus, I kinda already hit you guys over the head with music every week anyway with my Infinite Playlist. So the Bonesys for Music will only consist of a few short categories, almost all of which will be won by metal artists. Just some forewarning.

Best New Artist

I discovered Asking Alexandria on a flyer that was packed in with a I Wrestled a Bear Once t-shirt I ordered this summer, and I was absolutely floored. Their album, Stand Up and Scream is easily one of the best albums of the year.

Best Hip-Hop Album

Don't listen to a lot of the hip-hop anymore, it had just gotten to the point where 90% of what I listened to was garbage. Every now and then something will come along and catch my ear though, and Kid Cudi did just that with Day N Nite last year. I've become quite addicted to his newest record, Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager, and it wins the Bonesy for Best Hip-Hop Album by a landslide.

Best Metal Album

As pretty much the only other category I place music in, this one is particularly difficult to pick a favorite in. There are somewhere around 48 sub-genres of metal, but fuck if I know what fits where and why. So I just call it metal and go on about my business. I came across a ton of new stuff this year, thanks in part to my good buddy Mikey, and thanks in part to Youtube, but there were a handful of albums that I continually came back to. Miss May I followed up their debut album with the absolutely brutal "Monument", We Came as Romans kicked my ass with "To Plant a Seed", and who could forget The Devil Wears Prada's "Zombie" EP? Good stuff all around, but the one that I should be completely and totally sick of due to over play, but no matter how many times I hear it, I can't hear it enough, is "The Emptiness" by Alesana. The song Hymn for the Shameless does things to me that music shouldn't do to people. Your Bonesy for Best Metal Album....

Best Concert 

For the first time in years, this actually forced me to do a little thinking, as I went to not one, but TWO shows this year! In April I saw A Day to Remember, August Burns Red, Silverstein, and Enter Shikari in Atlanta, and it was a hell of a show, also bonus points awarded for my being able to always say I saw ADtR before they sucked. But we all know that for my money, nobody rocks the house like Twiztid, and they even went a step further and brought along Blaze ya Dead Homie, who I hadn't seen in WAY too long, and DJ Clay did two sets in between acts. Taking all the into consideration, it's impossible not to award the Bonesy to Twiztid and Blaze for the World of Webs Tour.

Biggest Disappointment

How does a band that I love as much as I love A Day to Remember make an album this bad? Easy, MTV airplay. I know, I was as shocked as you to find out that MTV still played music, but apparently they do, because ADtR's facebook page kept advertising the fact that their new video was on MTV. Fast forward to the new album, "What Separates Me from You", and there's a grand total of 2 songs on it that I don't hate. So sad, and such a huge disappointment. Here's hoping they make up for it on their next album, and don't follow in the footsteps of bands like Korn.

Best Album

When the greatest band in the universe of all time makes a new record, you bet your ass it's my favorite album of that year. I've been a Deftones fan since the very first time I heard "Bored" on Adrenaline. I have absolutely worshipped every single thing they've done since. The only band I've seen live more than Deftones is Twiztid. When they released "Diamond Eyes" this year, I was working at T-Mobile at the time and we were allowed to bring our mp3 players to listen to while we rebuilt handsets, and I literally listened to it for 8 hours straight. There's not a song on there that's anything short of musical perfection. Album of the year easily, and quite possibly of the decade as well.

Day two is in the books! There will be a brief intermission tomorrow, with an obligatory holiday post for all of you, before we get into the Movie Bonesys on Sunday. Stay tuned!

Bonesys - Gaming

So, it's been a pretty good year for gaming, with some especially cool games that flew under pretty much everybody's radar, and of course more glorious sequels that you can shake a Playstation Move controller at. I ended up playing through quite a few games on both the Xbox and PS3, thanks in part to my Countdown to 50k gamerscore mission. Enough time wasting, on to The Bonesys!

Best Downloadable Game

Big year for the XBLA, and not so much for the PSN for me. In fact I don't even know if I downloaded anything for the PS3 other than Punisher No Mercy, and well let's just say that the title of that game tells you ALL you need to know. The Xbox Live Arcade, on the other hand, gave me several contenders for my consideration. Once the dust settled, my Xbox Live Avatar's t-shirt tells the tale...

Best Downloadable Content

I really didn't spend much in the way of DLC until the end of the year. I bought most of the Borderlands add-ons, and they were all pretty good, I loved the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, but I understand that the real fun to be had in Borderlands was in playing co-op with friends and sadly I never got to try that. I did the Alan Wake dlc, I've downloaded the Mass Effect 2 stuff but not played it yet, and I've been playing the hell out of the Viet Nam maps for Battlefield Bad Company 2 the past week or so. All of that pales in comparison to what I personally believe is not only the best dlc of 2010, but perhaps of all time...

Best Action Game

This is another tough category, but only because I'm not entirely sure how to categorize some of the games I played. Most of what I play has some form of "action" in it, so to me the term is fairly generic. Out of the ones I considered for this award, I pretty much narrowed my choices down to two games. Red Dead Redemption was hella fun, but was also a time-consuming BEAST. At times I found myself wishing it would just end already, and that's ultimately why I didn't go with it for the win. Instead I'm giving I'm giving the Bonesy to a game that left me wanting more at the end....

Best RPG

Yet another category that I never spend much time in. As a matter of fact, I think I played a grand total of 3 games that would be considered RPG's this year, and at least two of those I'm 100% certain didn't ship in 2010. No matter though, I didn't like either of them, which made my choice for the Best RPG Bonesy even easier than it already would've been....

Best Survival Horror Game

My favorite genre of game, which has sadly died down significantly over the years. 2010 wasn't a total loss though, and in fact offered up two very strong contenders for the Bonesy. Alan Wake was hands down one of the greatest games released this year, and did a fantastic job of telling a great Stephen King-esque horror story. Lots of memorable moments from my time in Brightness Falls, but it was going to take a LOT for any game to top the sequel to what is still my favorite Xbox 360 game to date. Alan Wake had a flashlight, but he never used duct tape to combing it with gems to create a light saber, Chuck Greene did though...

Best Shooter

My second favorite genre, and the one that year after year floods the market with the most games. This category proves harder to make a choice for best game in than any other for me. The list of shooters that I played is chock full of quality, and there are lots of others than I never even got around to picking up and playing. Out of the ones I did though, most had their strong points, be it campaign, controls, multiplayer, or whatever. I've decided to keep it simple and give the award to the game that was the best overall complete package though, and in my opinion that game was...

Best Sports Game

This one I hesitated to even bother with, as my favorite game in this genre is based on my favorite sport, and as such is the exact same almost every year. Doesn't matter how good the new NCAA Football, Madden, or 2K Basketball games are, none of those games have the hockey in them, NHL 11 does though...

Best Overlooked / Underrated Game

I had already made up my mind about the winner in this category long before I even knew I would be doing an awards blog this year. In fact there were no other games even in contention until last week when I started Singularity, which mixes Bioshock with Resistance for what has so far been a very solid shooter, and a nice surprise. Still, there was one game I played this year, that I encouraged anybody who would listen to give a shot. It started off slow, and the gameplay wasn't the most polished that you'll see, but the story and atmosphere were undeniably outstanding. Do yourself a favor if you haven't, and check out this year's Bonesy winner for Best Overlooked game, Metro 2033.

Best "Mister Bones Was Late to the Party" Game

This one I almost called "Best Why the Hell Didn't Anybody Tell Me" game. As a matter of fact, I would never have even tried this game had I not signed up for a subscription to the Official Xbox Magazine when they were $5 on Amazon. The first issue I got had some demos for the "Summer of XBLA 09" games, and it took me about 5 minutes to decide that not only was Trials HD awesome, but something that I simply couldn't go on living without any longer. 

Best Playstation Exclusive

Another fairly easy one, I think I only played maybe two games that were exclusive only to Sony's console. I have Uncharted 2 but I haven't played it yet, I did God of War III as previously mentioned, and then there was one of the most unique gaming experiences I had this year, and a representative of a genre that I would absolutely kill to get more of from developers. A choose your own adventure style interactive drama, with tight controls, a well written and well acted narrative, and enough twists and turns to keep you guessing up until the reveal at the end. Not to mention the fact that one scene even made me a little uncomfortable as I watched it play out, and that's definitely rare for a video game. The Bonesys support interactive drama!

Best Xbox Exclusive

This one I'm anticipating the most eye rolls at, but you're just going to have to forgive me. I will fully admit to being a bit of a fanboy for this particular series. It also gets points for being one of the very few games that I enjoy enough to suffer through public multiplayer matches. Of course it's way more fun with friends. Bungie's swan song was everything I hoped it would be, and I dare say my favorite of the series. What can I say? In one game Noble Team managed to push the awesometer past where it took Master Chief 3 games to take it, and in the process earned itself the Bonesy for Best Xbox Game.

Best Game

You can look back up at every game in this post and just about any one of them could've been my favorite of the year. Yes, even Limbo. This is the category that I've spent the most time debating over, as is to be expected. The game that I finally decided on is one that for some reason I seemed to be in the minority in my excitement for. Everybody loved the first one, but this one I saw a lot of "meh" in response to, and I have no idea why. For all the sequels that I played this year, Bioshock 2 was the one that did exactly what a sequel is supposed to do, it took what was great about the first game and expanded on it, while adding it's own little touches to the formula ensuring that it could stand on it's own. It's also the only game that I drove out in a snow storm and waited in line in a very crowded Gamestop for. This year's Bonesy for Best Game is proudly presented to Bioshock 2. 

Whew! Now THAT'S how you kick off an Awards Show Blog! Big ups to other great games like Red Dead Redemption, Assassin's Creed II, and Scott Pilgrim vs the World,  that may not have gotten awards, but were still worth my time and heard earned monies. Tomorrow the good times roll on with Comics and Music!

32nd Annual Bonesys!

Before you ask, no you haven't missed the previous 31 Annual Bonesys....well actually, you have but it's only because I've never actually written them down anywhere or blogged about them, so really, it's not your fault. These are the 32nd Bonesys because I figure, I've been alive for that long and every year I have favorite things which I likely would've given awards to had there been awards to give.

So the end of 2010 is rapidly approaching, and I thought I'd host a "best-of" awards ceremony over the next few days. I'll be awarding several Bonesys in the following categories: Gaming, Movies, Comics, Music, and Random. I will of course be doing the lame stuff like "best game" and such, but knowing me like you do, you just know I'm going to throw some stupidity into it as well. It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway, these are all based on my opinions about the shit that I played/watched/listened to/etc. this year. Of course I didn't play EVERY game or watch EVERY movie, so The Bonesys are strictly a reflection of what I did play/watch/listen to/etc. Hell, with my memory, I can't even promise you that some of the shit I give awards to actually came out this year and not a prior one. Point being, don't read too much into this.

Anyway, should be fun! Tune in tomorrow when we kick off the awards show with the Gaming category!

Mister Bones' Top 5

As inspired by this post, over at Drake's Doomsday Corner, which I already went on a rant about in his comments section. I've been meaning to do this here, since it's considered bad blogger etiquette  to write small novella's in other blogger's comment section. Thankfully Mr. Drake didn't call me out on it! Here are my top 5 things that I hate about my second most beloved hobby, gaming.

Top 5 Things I Hate About Gaming

5. Racing Games Not Named "Burnout" - I hate, hate, HATE racing games. There have been a few exceptions over the years, F-Zero, Mario Kart, and the Burnout series for example, but as a general rule, if it's a racer, it's safe to go ahead and assume that I hate it. For starters, they're boring. Ooh, look, the rear end of a car...thrilling! Thing is, I don't really dig cars that much, so unlocking a Ferrari doesn't appeal to me. Nor does every time I come up to a turn, unless I come to an almost complete halt, I go spinning into the grass. I also despise that fact that you begin every single race in last place, most likely in the worst car in the game, and have to place first to progress.And don't get ahead of the computer, because all of a sudden every one of the AI cars becomes equipped with endless nitrous and before you know it, you're in fourth place heading into the home stretch. Yeah, fuck YOU racing game.

4. Insanely Difficult Achievements - Since the invention of the achievement waaay back when the Xbox 360 first launched, I've become a bit of a whore for them. Not as bad as some of you, and you know who you are, but I do so love the sound of that little "pop" and seeing my reward for a specific action show up on my screen. What I don't love is when I play a tough game, get all the way through it, and because the 'cheeves are so ridiculously difficult to earn, I only have 110 points to show for my 20+ hours, and yes, I'm looking at YOU Devil May Cry 4.

3. Multiplayer Taking Over - I'm in the minority here, and I'm fully aware of this, but I still game primarily for the single player experience. I'll take a good campaign over good multiplayer any day. To me, multiplayer is a nice add-on to give me more game for my money, but I never buy a game because of it. The past few years, campaigns have gotten shorter and shorter, especially in shooters, or just been left out altogether, and that sucks. The well is also drying up on games that don't have any multiplayer at all, and more and more developers are tacking on bare bones multiplayer modes that are unnecessary, ala Bioshock 2. Yes, the industry has changed, I get that, change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean that developers should leave all of us who still enjoy just playing with ourselves behind.

2. Rewarding Parents Basement Dwellers - This bad boy right here I'm calling Infinity Ward out on, fuck you for rewarding the kids who get to sit in their parents basement and do nothing but play your stupid game all day long with better guns, ammo, "perks", and shit at the expense of those of us who only get to play for an hour or two at the most on the weekends. I've lost count at how many times I've gotten the drop on somebody in multiplayer, only to have them turn around and drop me with one or two shots because the pellet guns I have at my disposal just aren't up to snuff, especially against the .50 cal that dude is carrying. Nothing infuriates me more than an unfair advantage, especially when given that age, eyesight, and reflex time already give these damn kids one in the first place. I have a life, bills to pay, real life responsibilities, so I should be punished because I can't devote the time to your game that others do? It's fine to want to reward die hards, in fact I'm all for it, but at least give the rest of us a mode to play in by ourselves.

1. Headset Inspired Bravado - That is my attempt at putting "shit talking" nicely. Like almost anybody else you talk to about the subject, the main reason I stay away from multiplayer gaming with the public, is the shit talking morons. Something about knowing that you're hiding safely behind a television screen, a headset, and a nickname brings out the worst in people. So it's either play without a headset, with the sound turned off, or get called a fag, or a racial slur, or have my mother be insulted, simply because I either don't get as many kills in Halo as you do, or even worse, I kill you instead of putting down my gun and letting you kill me and teabag my corpse. The worst part is most of these little bastards aren't any older than 12 years old. I blame the parents. I also avoid public multiplayer gaming because I'd like nothing more than to crawl through my television and choke the shit out of one of these fuckers with their microphone cord, and as a grown up, I simply shouldn't be thinking these kinds of things.

You may have noticed a trend to this particular post, and yes, you're right, most of the things I hate about gaming are multiplayer related. What sucks is that I actually do enjoy it, when I have enough friends who are playing a game, and have enough to get a private room going, it's some of the most fun I have gaming. I have very fond memories of FarCry Fridays on the original Xbox, Ghost Recon, Halo 3 Fridays, and especially many, many nights playing Star Wars Battlefront into the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, we've all gotten older, and gone our separate ways for the most part now. That's life I suppose.

I appreciate your time, and hope you enjoyed my bitching about gaming! Thanks again to Drake for the inspiration, and I encourage anyone who hasn't to check out his original post as his points are also spot-on in my opinion. Also, anyone reading who feels the same way I do, or just wants an easy target to pump virtual ammunition into should feel free to send an Xbox Live friend request to Lil Bones or a PSN friend request to the much wiser, older, and more mature Mister_Bones.

A Serbian Film

Guys, I'm sorry if this makes me a lightweight in some of your eyes, but this one was a little too much for me. I knew what I was getting into when I turned it on, and to be perfectly honest I didn't even expect to make it all the way through. I did though, partly because I didn't want to pussy out and partly because despite the horrific shit I was seeing on screen, this is actually a well-made movie and fuck me, I wanted to see how it ended. Once again, a glutton for punishment this guy is.

I saw the red band months ago, and had an opportunity then to watch the movie, but passed. There is subject matter in the trailer that I've always had trouble watching (rape, torture, mixing children with either of the previous, etc.), and I knew the movie would do nothing but expand on it exponentially. Eventually the hype around it died down, and I didn't hear much talk of it so I decided that I made the right decision by skipping it. Well, for whatever reason, there seems to have been a bit of a resurgence (at least at some of the sites I visit) and my morbid curiosity finally got the best of me.

What was it like? What was it like?! It scarred me for life! That's what it's like!!!

You pretty much get everything you need about the plot from the red band trailer which you will find below. An ex porn star, now living the family life, is struggling to make ends meet and is approached about coming out of retirement to do one more film. Milosh is reluctant until he sees the contract and how much he's being offered to do this movie, which is enough for him to retire permanently and he and his family will be able to live very comfortably. Of course there's a catch, and that catch is that Milosh can't know what the movie is about, he's never given any kind of a script, instead he's given an ear piece which the director uses to communicate with him. To say any more than that would a) ruin some of the film's twists, and b) be too difficult for me to type.

I'm so torn on this movie. On the one hand, it's incredibly hard to recommend anyone actually watch it, it's easily the most disturbing, depraved, disgusting subject matter I've ever seen on film. I honestly worry about any sane human being who could watch this and not be shocked and offended at some of the scenes. It's filth at it's absolute filthiest. Then, on the other hand, it's hard to deny it's an extremely well-made flick, it takes you through the wringer in terms of what you're willing to endure to see how it ends, but it definitely grabs you whether you intend for it to or not. Or, at least that was my experience with it.

This was the same face I made on at LEAST three occasions watching this film.

I'm hesitant to actually call this "entertainment". Yes, I was interested enough in the plot to want to see how it played out, although after I did, I kinda wish I had just turned it off. There were times when this movie literally turned my stomach. So I don't really feel like I was being "entertained", but I'm not sure exactly what word I'm looking for here. Although it's not my intention, I fully realize that I'm doing nothing more than glorifying A Serbian Film for some of you. In all honesty, it was reading reviews just like this that initially piqued my interest in it. After watching it though, I really wish I hadn't. While there isn't much that I won't watch, I do have a line and this one drove so far past it that even I can't decide at exactly which point that it went too far. Watch at your own risk. Hell, even watch the trailer below at your own risk.

And finally, even though none of you asked for it, I'm including a photo taken from my "shower-cam" in the Batcave directly following my viewing of the movie. I spent the next two hours like this, knowing full well that no amount of soap and water will ever be able to make me feel clean again.....

Bat Fett

Teefury tried to sneak this one in on me on Xmas day, thinking I wouldn't have time to visit their site because of all the holiday shenanigans going on. Well friends, the joke's on them because I was forced to wait until well after midnight on Xmas Eve due to the fact that my kids are insomniacs, especially when they're excited about something, so I was able to place my order well before Xmas morning! Mwa ha ha!

Anyway, the very definition of a no-brainer here, Batman and Boba Fett mash-up. I. am. there.

Merry XMAS!

Happy Holidays from the Batcave!

Bones Family Holiday Card 2010

A friend of mine, who is obviously quite the photoshop ninja, whipped this up for me so I thought I'd share. These are my two little Sith-heads standing in front of our tree with an extra special holiday greeting for all of you...

Infinite Playlist - Murray Axemas 2010 Edition!

Random Screen Grab

Special XMAS Edition!

Pinhead's Raising Comic Book Hell Again!

And by none other than Clive Barker himself! Big news from BOOM! Studios, can't freakin wait. Here's the scoop from Boom-Studios.net :

December 13, 2010 – Los Angeles, CA – This March, Hell comes to BOOM! Studios as master of horror Clive Barker writes the newest chilling installment of his signature creation with the new HELLRAISER ongoing series! Joined by co-writer Christopher Monfette and HELLBLAZER artist Leonardo Manco, Clive Barker’s HELLRAISER #1 features covers by Tim Bradstreet and Nick Percival. The release of HELLRAISER #1 ongoing will be joined that same month by HELLRAISER: MASTERWORKS VOL. 1, the first in a series reprinting the hard-to-find Marvel Comics-era Hellraiser stories. To herald the HELLRAISER: MASTERWORKS series, HELLRAISER #1 will be an epic, oversized 40-page debut that includes a story by THE MATRIX co-writer & co-director Larry Wachowski — ripped from the HELLRAISER: MASTERWORKS series.

The debut volume of the HELLRAISER: MASTERWORKS series sees a slew of spine-tingling Pinhead tales by such creators as Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman, Mike Mignola, Alex Ross & more, with cover by John Bolton!

“Beyond being a legendary creator of all things macabre, Clive Barker is truly an amazing individual and I’m proud to be able to work with him on reviving one of his most celebrated creations with HELLRAISER,” said Editor-in-Chief Matt Gagnon. “I’ve known Clive for years, but this is the first chance we’ve had to work together and I couldn’t be more excited. It’s been unbelievably gratifying to develop this series and witness the visceral, relentless, and shocking story that Clive has in store for a new generation of horror fans. Readers beware! Hell comes home this March!”

Clive Barker has “touched” HELLRAISER only twice before: once to write THE HELLBOUND HEART, and once more to write and direct the original HELLRAISER film. With the HELLRAISER ongoing series, witness Barker’s long-awaited return to tell a new chapter in the series’ official continuity—a trajectory that will forever change the Cenobites…and Pinhead! So prepare your soul for an epic journey into horror from one of the medium’s greatest voices, and starring one of the medium’s greatest characters, in an unforgettable new chapter of HELLRAISER.

Joining the HELLRAISER ongoing series in March is the debut of HELLRAISER: MASTERWORKS VOL. 1, a collection of classic HELLRAISER tales that will light your soul on fire! This must-have collection, originally published by Marvel Comics, features classic spinetinglers for die-hard fans and new readers alike, and collects a host of work from comic luminaries that you will not want to miss! Featuring the work of Clive Barker (HELLRAISER), Neil Gaiman (SANDMAN), Mike Mignola (HELLBOY), Larry Wachowski (THE MATRIX), Alex Ross (KINGDOM COME), Kevin O’Neill (LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN) and many more — including a cover by John Bolton! You will not want to miss this first volume in a series that will assemble the best HELLRAISER comics that have ever been!

HELLRAISER #1 ships as an oversized 40-page issue in March with A & B covers in a 50/50 split with art by Tim Bradstreet and Nick Percival respectively, as well as a very special 1-in-50 incentive cover drawn and signed by legendary master of horror Clive Barker. HELLRAISER: MASTERWORKS VOL. 1 ships in March, featuring the works of Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman, Mike Mignola, Larry Wachowski, Alex Ross, Kevin O’Neill and more with a cover by John Bolton.

Good Morning Vietnam!

Today, the best military shooter of the year gets even better! That's right I said "best military shooter of the year" and not about any game with the words "call" or "duty" in the anywhere in the title.

Epic Metal Parrot! \m/

Southland Tales

I'm admittedly not the brightest crayon in the box, I'm intelligent enough to function in society on a day to day basis, but I think we can all agree that I won't be writing any articles to be published in "The Scientific American" anytime soon. That being said, last night I finally sat down to watch Southland Tales, from Richard Kelly of Donnie Darko fame, of course. Now, I like Donnie Darko, I really do. The first time I saw it, I didn't get it, but there was enough there for me to want to watch it again. Southland Tales though? This movie assaulted my meager intelligence with more symbolism, politics, religion, and pretentious pop culture satire than I was able to process.

In fact, I was so clueless during most of the movie, that I wouldn't even know where to begin to write a plot synopsis if I were being paid to do so. Instead, I'm going to use a bullet-point style post, highlighting some of the things that stood out for me, understood or not.

• Texas gets destroyed in a nuclear explosion, leading to WW3
• The Rock is a popular action star, who has political ties, and amnesia
• He wants to write/direct a movie that, after hearing his synopsis of the plot, I REALLY want to see.
• Sean William Scott has kidnapped his twin brother with the help of most of the SNL cast, as a part of an EXTREMELY poorly thought out ploy to use the Rock's political influence to aid the Neo-Marxist movement.
• Justin Timberlake narrates the movie, as a vet of the war in Afghanistan, who sits perched (and drunk) on a giant mounted sniper rifle on the top of a building.
• Sarah Michelle Gellar is a porn star looking to turn her life around by attempting to make a career as a pop music singer, complete with a clothing line, reality television show, and her own energy drink.
• Eli Roth is shot while sitting on the toilet.
• Christopher Lambert is dealing some sort of hallucinogenic drug from an ice cream truck.
• Time travel.
• Kevin Smith, Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, and the lady from Poltergeist. I'm just as confused as you are.
• The Megazeppelin. Sounds more like a 90's thrash-metal band than a giant airship.
• Sean William Scott doesn't have a twin brother, just another him from the future. (See "time travel" above.)
• The Rock is a pimp, and pimps don't commit suicide, and there's also a time-traveling alternate version of him, although dead.
• Christopher Lambert's ice cream truck can fly.
• I have no comprehension whatsoever as to the amount of drugs one would need to consume in order to make sense of this nonsense.

Seriously, I get that Kelly is a weird dude, who makes weird movies. That's all well and good, I suppose he considers himself an "artist" and not everyone will understand his genius. Thing about that is though, I'm not going to sit through another 2+ hour movie that's going to leave me feeling dumber than I did before I started it. I literally had a headache by the time Southland Tales was over. If anybody reading this would care to take the time to explain it to me in terms that I might be able to understand, please by all means feel free to do so. As for me, I'm chalking this one up as a fail, and don't know if I would even bother to watch anything in the future from Kelly. If I want a weirdness fix, I'll just stick with Donnie Darko.

Rock, I felt the exact same way by the end.

Infinite Playlist - 18 and Life

In honor of the upcoming release of Asking Alexandria's new EP next week, which features a cover of Skid Row's classic 18 and Life, today I'm inducting the original into Mister Bones' Infinite Playlist.

Guess Who is in the DC Universe Online Beta?

Mister Bones is bitches!

Now, if you'll excuse me, Batman just asked me to go down to the East End, seems Scarecrow has unleashed a batch of his fear gas and is in desperate need of an ass-kicking....

Random Screen Grab