Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Mister Bones' Top 5

As inspired by this post, over at Drake's Doomsday Corner, which I already went on a rant about in his comments section. I've been meaning to do this here, since it's considered bad blogger etiquette  to write small novella's in other blogger's comment section. Thankfully Mr. Drake didn't call me out on it! Here are my top 5 things that I hate about my second most beloved hobby, gaming.

Top 5 Things I Hate About Gaming

5. Racing Games Not Named "Burnout" - I hate, hate, HATE racing games. There have been a few exceptions over the years, F-Zero, Mario Kart, and the Burnout series for example, but as a general rule, if it's a racer, it's safe to go ahead and assume that I hate it. For starters, they're boring. Ooh, look, the rear end of a car...thrilling! Thing is, I don't really dig cars that much, so unlocking a Ferrari doesn't appeal to me. Nor does every time I come up to a turn, unless I come to an almost complete halt, I go spinning into the grass. I also despise that fact that you begin every single race in last place, most likely in the worst car in the game, and have to place first to progress.And don't get ahead of the computer, because all of a sudden every one of the AI cars becomes equipped with endless nitrous and before you know it, you're in fourth place heading into the home stretch. Yeah, fuck YOU racing game.

4. Insanely Difficult Achievements - Since the invention of the achievement waaay back when the Xbox 360 first launched, I've become a bit of a whore for them. Not as bad as some of you, and you know who you are, but I do so love the sound of that little "pop" and seeing my reward for a specific action show up on my screen. What I don't love is when I play a tough game, get all the way through it, and because the 'cheeves are so ridiculously difficult to earn, I only have 110 points to show for my 20+ hours, and yes, I'm looking at YOU Devil May Cry 4.

3. Multiplayer Taking Over - I'm in the minority here, and I'm fully aware of this, but I still game primarily for the single player experience. I'll take a good campaign over good multiplayer any day. To me, multiplayer is a nice add-on to give me more game for my money, but I never buy a game because of it. The past few years, campaigns have gotten shorter and shorter, especially in shooters, or just been left out altogether, and that sucks. The well is also drying up on games that don't have any multiplayer at all, and more and more developers are tacking on bare bones multiplayer modes that are unnecessary, ala Bioshock 2. Yes, the industry has changed, I get that, change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean that developers should leave all of us who still enjoy just playing with ourselves behind.

2. Rewarding Parents Basement Dwellers - This bad boy right here I'm calling Infinity Ward out on, fuck you for rewarding the kids who get to sit in their parents basement and do nothing but play your stupid game all day long with better guns, ammo, "perks", and shit at the expense of those of us who only get to play for an hour or two at the most on the weekends. I've lost count at how many times I've gotten the drop on somebody in multiplayer, only to have them turn around and drop me with one or two shots because the pellet guns I have at my disposal just aren't up to snuff, especially against the .50 cal that dude is carrying. Nothing infuriates me more than an unfair advantage, especially when given that age, eyesight, and reflex time already give these damn kids one in the first place. I have a life, bills to pay, real life responsibilities, so I should be punished because I can't devote the time to your game that others do? It's fine to want to reward die hards, in fact I'm all for it, but at least give the rest of us a mode to play in by ourselves.

1. Headset Inspired Bravado - That is my attempt at putting "shit talking" nicely. Like almost anybody else you talk to about the subject, the main reason I stay away from multiplayer gaming with the public, is the shit talking morons. Something about knowing that you're hiding safely behind a television screen, a headset, and a nickname brings out the worst in people. So it's either play without a headset, with the sound turned off, or get called a fag, or a racial slur, or have my mother be insulted, simply because I either don't get as many kills in Halo as you do, or even worse, I kill you instead of putting down my gun and letting you kill me and teabag my corpse. The worst part is most of these little bastards aren't any older than 12 years old. I blame the parents. I also avoid public multiplayer gaming because I'd like nothing more than to crawl through my television and choke the shit out of one of these fuckers with their microphone cord, and as a grown up, I simply shouldn't be thinking these kinds of things.

You may have noticed a trend to this particular post, and yes, you're right, most of the things I hate about gaming are multiplayer related. What sucks is that I actually do enjoy it, when I have enough friends who are playing a game, and have enough to get a private room going, it's some of the most fun I have gaming. I have very fond memories of FarCry Fridays on the original Xbox, Ghost Recon, Halo 3 Fridays, and especially many, many nights playing Star Wars Battlefront into the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, we've all gotten older, and gone our separate ways for the most part now. That's life I suppose.

I appreciate your time, and hope you enjoyed my bitching about gaming! Thanks again to Drake for the inspiration, and I encourage anyone who hasn't to check out his original post as his points are also spot-on in my opinion. Also, anyone reading who feels the same way I do, or just wants an easy target to pump virtual ammunition into should feel free to send an Xbox Live friend request to Lil Bones or a PSN friend request to the much wiser, older, and more mature Mister_Bones.


Drake Sigar said...

When one writers a lengthy blog on the state of today’s gaming industry, one should be expected to spark a discussion in the comments section. I consider it more of a sign of success than rudeness!

Racing Games – Over two hundred games on my shelves and not a single one of them is a racer except for Carmageddon (the proper version where you drive over people, not that whimpy anti-violent zombie version). You’re right, they’re generally just boring.

Difficult Achievements – I think lengthy achievements are worse than difficult achievements because they kinda reward the basement dwelling group you mention further down. There’s no skill in finding a hundred pigeons on GTA IV, all that’s required is a walkthrough and obsessive compulsive disorder. Some of us would rather have fun, you know, the thing we bought the game for in the first place!

Multiplayer Taking Over – Indeed. There are always exceptions, but for the most part I’m also sick of multiplayer being the main focus instead of the afterthought. That’s probably why I gravitate towards RPGs where the whole point is to immerse yourself in a detailed world.

Basement Dwellers – Finding anyone your own skill level is just about impossible after the first month, because they’ve all been driven away by this crowd of kids with way too much time on their hands.

Headset Bravado – I have enjoyed precisely two multiplayer games on Xbox Live. One is Left 4 Dead. I always popped in with a team of three other civil, mature, and witty Englishmen. Also we won 80% of our games, and winning is fun. The other game was Rainbow Six. Both games have a heavy emphasis on teamwork and tactics. Trying to be a lone wolf and emulate Rambo results in a gruesome death, so kids tend to gravitate towards games like Call of Duty instead.

Mister Bones said...

Glad you responded sir!

Good point about the achievements. As mentioned, I'm admittedly a bit of a whore, but not to the point that I sit with laptop beside me reading ahead in a walkthrough before making any progress in a game.

Rainbox Six 3 was the second game I ever played on Xbox Live, (NHL 2K4 I think was first) and I have to agree with you that it still sticks out in my mind as some of the best experiences I've had with online gaming/gamers. If I had joined Live back then and been put into games with some of the people I've been unfortunate enough to play Halo or Call of Duty with, I highly doubt I would be on my 6th year as a subscriber.

Angel1649 said...

I have to agree with the "playing with yourself" comment. Part of the gaming experience for me isn't about being social at all. I'm definitely old school, but for me it's to escape from any other human and join forces with machine. I think the competition of multiplayer has gotten ridiculous as of late. Don't assume I'm a wuss and I don't like a little friendly competition; I just think that it has become childish and petty. Just play the game and shut ya face! Ahhh Now I will step down from my little soap box...thanks for the time :D