Thoughts on Splatterhouse

So the reviews from the gaming press for Splatterhouse were pretty much all over the place, eh? I saw everything from 2's to 7's. I was admittedly skeptical about putting down the money for it despite being pretty excited about playing before I read anything. Amazon.com came to my rescue right before Xmas when they put it on sale for $25.99 with free shipping, so I bit, and I'm glad I did.

Splatterhouse won't win any awards. The camera has a mind of it's own at times, there are platforming segments that will infuriate even the most patient gamer when the jump button and what Rick does on screen don't exactly coincide all that well, and almost the entire game is moving from one area to the next jamming on the X button leaving a trail of blood and severed limbs in your wake. The combat isn't all that deep, although there are upgrades, and some new moves and special attacks that you can unlock to mix things up a bit. Honestly though, just pounding X will get you through most of the game. In it's defense, Splatterhouse does attempt to keep from being too repetitive by throwing in some side scrolling rooms, ala the originals only with a pseudo 3D treatment. They're nothing spectacular, but they broke up the monotony and were pretty cool looking.

The story is as generic as they come, but I'm thinking that's more of a little homage to the original Splatterhouse games than anything else. There really isn't much more you need to add to it. Rick's girlfriend has been captured by an insane doctor who is going to sacrifice her in order to resurrect his long lost love. Rick's first encounter with the doctor and his minions leaves him disemboweled and bleeding out on the floor of his mansion, but just before he dies, the Terror Mask calls out to him. Once he puts it on, it transforms him into a hulking beast who will stop at nothing to save Jennifer, and the Terror Mask gets to feed on the blood of plenty of demons along the way.

I guess the best way to put it is, the amount of fun you have with Splatterhouse is directly dependent upon how much you like lots of blood and gore, boobs, and heavy metal music. If you really sit down and dissect it, this is the game that most of us would've made when we were 13 years old. Rick is this 'roided up mass of muscle with spikes and claws coming from everywhere, and he absolutely rips demons and other form of monsters in half throughout the game. You even get to tear one monster's spine out of his ass. Along the way you can collect hidden photographs of Jen, who is a bit of an exhibitionist it seems as she's at least partially nude in almost every one of them. The Terror Mask  is constantly making sarcastic little quips and frequently uses bad language. The first time I got killed in the game he says, "Did you get killed? Fuckin noob". Is it disgusting? Yep. Is it a tad juvenile? Yep. Did I love it? Yep. 

 I never took Splatterhouse too seriously, and thankfully neither did the creators. It was 8-10 hours of mindless, blood soaked fun. I can't really recommend anybody running out and paying $60 for it, but for $20 or so, there's some fun to be had and achievements to be unlocked.