Saturday, February 14, 2009

Movie Night Recap

Alright gang, I know you're dying from anticipation as to what I thought about the movie, but that's not why I'm here this morning. Real quick, just to get it out of the way, the movie rocked hard. It was probably the best Friday the 13th movie since part VI: Jason Lives (which is my favorite so that's saying a lot). Yeah it followed the same old Friday formula, the deaths could've been a little more brutal, but I couldn't find much to complain about.

I am very happy to report that Bink will be pleased when it comes to the boobie department, this film had a LOT of boobies, including some that it made you wait for, but ended up being what could possibly be the nicest boobies I've ever seen. I'm not alone either, as the lucky bastard getting to enjoy said boobies *ahem* first hand even went so far as to refer to them as "stupendous" which got a good laugh from the audience in LaGrange. Here's the chick the boobies belong to, unfortunately I've so far been unable to find a picture of the actual boobies themselves.

No kids, I'm not here to talk about the movie, despite the above paragraph I'm not even here to talk about boobies, I'd like to share the details of my first solo outing past 7pm in quite a while. I arrived at the theater at around 8:30 to buy my ticket for the 9:35 showing. The street that the theater is on was literally overflowing with kids, none of whom looked particularly old enough to be out on the street after dark by themselves, but at least they seemed to be traveling in packs. The notion of a pack mentality was further implied to me by the fact that they all kept staring at me as if they were sizing up their next meal. "Where are these kids' parents?" I wondered.

So I managed to wade my way through the ocean of pre-teen angst and made my way up to the ticket window. I paid my money, got my ticket for Friday the 13th no questions asked (this part is important for later but not so much now), and returned to the parking garage. I had decided to ride around a bit being that it had been a while since I hit LaGrange and had an hour to kill. During the first 20 minutes of my drive, I saw somewhere around 400 cars pulled over by the police, and I quickly decided that my best course of action may be to find a gas station, buy myself a water, and head back to the parking deck to drink it in the truck while I waited. So that's what I did.

So after a bit of random texting, and my Deer Park Water, I decided to brave the mean streets again and walk over to the theater. When I entered the lobby, I was surprised to discover it was a mob scene. Wall to wall people, more people than I'd ever seen in a theater and I went to see Titanic 3 times, so I've seen a lot of people in a theater. I took a picture with my Blackberry to share the horror with you guys. Keep in mind that I'm no photographer, but here's what I walked in to:

Needless to say, I was a little uncomfortable. However the night wasn't about being comfortable, it was about getting to watch Jason on the big screen, on Friday the 13th, and nothing was going to prevent me from doing so. With nothing else to do but stand, I started looking around at the other folks in the lobby. Now, I'm getting on up there, but I still remember being a teenager, and I can't ever remember my parents dropping me off downtown at the theater to go see a movie that's obviously going to more than earn it's R rating. Most of these kids looked hardly old enough to drive, and there I was feeling VERY old. A point driven home whenever I would momentarily lock eyes with one of the younglings. You guys ever see Billy Madison? The "Chlorophyll? More like borophyll!" scene? I lived that shit last night. For blogging purposes, I did muster up the courage to ask one of the children to take a picture of me in line to show you guys. Here it is, and yes I packed my own snack in one of those thermal lunch bag things:

Altogether, I stood in line for about a half hour before they finally started tearing tickets and letting the front of the line go in. I had a wonderful time listening to some redneck moron tell two girls (who were probably a couple of decades younger than him) all about the new motor on his boat and the hot tub he was getting ready to install in his trailer when it was finished. Yes, his trailer, which was apparently unfinished. At some point, the whole concept of a line went out the window and people just started cramming toward the poor kid tearing the tickets. Having decided that I'd heard enough from the loud mouthed moron behind me, my old concert roots began to show and I started moving past people not really giving a fuck how rude it was.

As I walked down the hall, I noticed yet another cluster of children gathering at the front of the auditorium that Friday was playing in. Yep, the mob was there to see Jason. All of them. The cluster forming? Oh, that was because of the two policemen carding people before letting them enter to sit down. I finally got to the door, thinking that I would be allowed to walk right in being that I'm clearly older than 17, but I would be wrong. What I got was a flashlight butt to the shoulder and a "how old are you, bud?" Bud? Dude I'm fucking older than you are, and I'm certainly not your bud. Was I really being carded at a fucking movie? Indeed I was, and rudely by some asshole obviously fresh from the academy. Say "officer bud" if my watching this movie was going to be a problem, shouldn't that have been handled when purchasing my ticket? That's how it went down the only other time I've ever been questioned before entering a movie.

After *snicker* proving I was old enough to watch the movie, I walked in the auditorium. I was surprised to see an empty seat at the end of my favorite aisle (the one at the front of the middle section, with the metal handrails to put my feet up on), and I sat down. Again, I started people watching, noticing the folks coming in, filling every single seat in the place. I could not believe that some of these kids were there to see Friday the 13th. There was a fat kid that couldn't have been more than 10, and he was alone as far as I could tell. How did he get past security when I couldn't? More importantly, where were the parents? I just couldn't get over it.

Those of you keeping track of these events chronologically should note that I walked into the lobby at around 9:20pm, then stood in line until 9:50, and didn't actually plant my ass in a seat for my 9:35 start time movie until 10pm or a little after. But the movie finally started, and despite having every single other Friday night movie distraction (girl next to me got several phone calls, people talking and screaming, cell phones frequently going off, girls screaming at every semi-loud noise in the movie, etc.) I managed to enjoy the movie, and the boobies.

I left the theater feeling extremely old and feeble. I was tired, a tad annoyed, cold and wet (it was raining), and wondering exactly when it was that things changed so. When did I get too old to be out after 9pm? I told a friend once that I knew I was getting old because the kids were starting to dress funny to me. When did I make the crossover? Despite the fact that I turn 31 Monday (something that I'm feeling even worse about now), I really don't feel like one of those old guys I used to make fun of when I was out. Jesus this getting old thing is a hard pill to swallow, though I suppose swallowing pills is yet another thing I should be preparing for.

Hooray for Happy Valentines Date Night! I'll never do that again.


Brandon said...

I think that the scariest thing about this post is the fact that you've seen Titanic three times. ;)

Mister Bones said...

Well, it certainly wasn't by choice. See, Titanic was released back during my more promiscuous days, and between the first two weekends of it's release, I ended up taking 3 different dates to it because I couldn't talk any of them into seeing something else. The Friday night and Saturday night opening weekend double feature was brutal.

hrimcealde said...

"i'll never let go."

and then she does.

what the hell.

there were also tons of people at our theater. but they now sell deep fried oreos, so the people didn't bother me that much. I don't even like oreos. but man.

of course, i got stuck next to the annoying ten year old kid who verbalized EVERYTHING during the movie. including subtitles. Ahhhhgh. As he was talking, I turned and started at him until he shut up. I felt like the mean evil old lady, but I don't really care. I didn't like being a teenager anymore than I like people who are teenagers now!